Dangerous Territory

The Man Under the Disguise

Cultural Note! – Levi uses the term transvestite. Today, that word is deemed derogatory in English, but in the 1940s, that was not merely the common term, but the only term for people who dressed as another gender. It would later be replaced with "cross-dresser" in the 1970s.

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Eren woke up as soon as the sky began to turn from black to purple. He glanced over at Levi sleeping by his side. His face was slack, not tense in nightmares. Eren's hand reached out, wanting to caress Levi's cheek, yet froze, and his fingers drew up into a fist.

I can't! Not without his permission.

He knew Levi was hurting deep inside. He had been through trauma Eren could not even imagine, brutalized anally, forced at gunpoint to have sex in public with a friend, raped repeatedly, and could do nothing but watch as men raped his female companions.

Never ... Never did Eren want to cause Levi to relive that horror.

His eyes slid over to the table, where his Schirmmütze rested, the swastika and eagle on the peaked cap watching over him, like the disapproving gaze of Hitler was there in his room, judging this atrocity against nature, two men half-naked in bed together, and worse, a Jew. Eren's eyes narrowed at that cap, what it represented, and what he was expected to do.

A chant rang in his mind, something he had heard many times, maybe even something he used to say, knowing that not speaking the words was unthinkable.

"Tötet alle Juden! Tod allen Schwuchteln!" Kill all Jews! Death to all faggots!

A shiver ran down his arms. He had succumbed to that part of him that he was taught was messed up and disgusting, and he was slowly damning Levi to the same sort of life he had known. A sinner. An abomination. A faggot.

He whispered in the early morning chilly air, "Ich wünschte fast, du hättest mich nie geliebt." I almost wish you had never loved me.

His words finally stirred Levi, and slowly, gray-blue eyes opened. Levi looked so vulnerable when he first woke up, almost like a child who had rousing from a nap.

"Good morning," whispered Eren.

Levi moved his mouth around, trying to moisten his tongue to talk. Had he slept with his mouth opened? Quietly, with his throat parched, he asked, "What day is it?"

Eren chuckled. "The 20th of September."

"I feel like I've slept for a month."

"You fell asleep rather quickly."

"Yeah, I never do that. It must have been those drugs." He paused, his brow pinched, and he whispered, "Was I dreaming, or did you kiss my arse last night?"

Eren's face turned red.

Levi rolled his eyes and muttered, "Maybe we were both drugged." He got up and stomped off to the bathroom. "I'm using it first," he called back and shut the door.

Eren watched him go and shook his head in amusement. What a complex man!

After Levi finished in the bathroom, Eren went in to wash up, shave, and prepare for the day. Half an hour later, he came out wearing only a towel wrapped around his waist. Levi looked up from his book, and his eyes tracked Eren as he walked around to the wardrobe.

"I hope you don't mind," Eren said before dropping the towel and pulling out underwear.

Levi's eyes glanced down to the pale butt cheeks. Words from last night flitted through his head.