What Lies Beyond the Silence

Chapter 14

Alexandra's POV

I nervously look up from my paper to Evangeline.

She's sitting up straight, her back tense, and her posture frozen.

Her head is tilted down and her eyes haven't looked up from her desk since I started reading.

"Evangeline," I say softly.

Her jaw clenches and unclenches, too tense to relax.

Her arms that previously laid on the desk started to curl towards her torso and I knew she was about to close herself off.

I couldn't let that happen.

Not again.

I don't know what she's been through, I can't even begin to understand.

But she's someone to be treasured. She is so smart and funny - you wouldn't think it - but her humor is dry and witty. It took me a while to catch onto when she was making a joke, because it was so unexpected.

She's timid at first - she still is - but when she opens up, it's like seeing a flower bloom. Slowly, then all at once, beautiful.

I slowly reach across the desk and gently lay my hand on her wrist.

She freezes.

She still hasn't looked up at me.

But she hasn't moved away.

I slowly move closer towards her as well as move my thumb softy back and forth across her wrist in what I hope was a soothing ministration.

"Evangeline," I say again.

I can feel her trembling and my heart clenches.

I don't want to be someone she fears, I don't want to be someone she protects herself from. I want to be someone that protects her. 

I keep moving my thumb back and forth over her skin, and whisper, "Why don't we move on to your poem, hm? We can discuss both of them afterwards, does that sound ok?"

She is still tense but she does let out a quick breath of relief and she nods, shakily.

Her arms slowly move to rest on the desk again and I move my hand away. 

She jerkily moves reach for her backpack and unzips it to pull out a notebook. Her fingers tap nervously on the desk before she opens it and flips through the pages until she finds the one that she's looking for.

She still hasn't looked up at me. And I just start to think about the group or partner projects we've done in class before. 

Did she just do them by herself? Or did the teacher force her to have a partner?

Come to think of it, the teacher looked a bit surprised when I immediately chose Evangeline as my partner, even came to ask me if I was sure and if I wanted to I could change partners before the work got too serious. 

I was so lost in thought, I almost missed when she started. 

She longs for happiness she fears to claim,

A life of joy she's yet to tame.

Her heart feels heavy with the weight of past,

Of hurt and pain that seem to always last.

She yearns for acceptance, kind and true, 

 But fear and doubt keep whispering in her ear, 

That happiness is fleeting, and to hope is trivial.

She seeks kindness, soft and warm, 

 So that maybe one day, she can survive any storm. 

 But doubt and worry linger in her soul, 

 As she struggles to find her place, to be whole.

Yet still she yearns, still hopes and dreams, 

 Of a something that's real, not just what it seems. 

 For deep inside, she knows she might be able to heal, 

 Joy and happiness she wants to feel.

So when she's met with just a taste 

 She reaches out, despite the fear and doubt, 

 To find something she cannot live without. 

 For in the end, it's that something that makes life sweet, 

 And gives her heart the strength of a hope she's yet to meet.

It was hard to understand in some places because of the way her hands shook. But when, I finally understood, her poem was so beautiful. So uniquely her. She's speaking about herself.

Her hands are back on top on the desk, clenched and still.

I move to cup them, gently and slowly so that she can see my movements and move away if she wants. 

I put my hands over hers, moving my thumbs back and forth. 

"Look at me."

Her breath quickens and she shakes her head.

"Evangeline," I whisper.

Her eyes shut and a tear falls, harsh and heavy onto her shirt.

"Look at me, please?"

She shakes her head again and I lean as close as I dare.

"Please, amorcita."

Her eyes are wide and confused, she's still looking down at her desk but she slowly slides one of her hands out from under mine.

Amor-

Amorsita?

I chuckle at her attempt and say again, "Yes, amorcita, but not an s, it's spelled with a c."

I see her mouth the word, amorcita, as if in question.

"Now can you look at me please?"

Her brows are furrowed in confusion and finally - finally - she looks up at me. Her eyes are confused and wide, hopeful and full of caution.

But her eyes meet mine and I smile.