𝗡𝗲𝗲𝗱 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗡𝗼𝘄 🤍

•𝗪𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗧𝗶𝗺𝗲𝘀 𝗪𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗕𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿•

•🍂•

Nikki's POV, February 4th 2008

I've never had that much to brag about in my life, I've never had much that's been that important to me that was until I met Tommy Lee, from the second we met we were instantly best friends, we were always hanging out together and obviously we instantly decided to start a band together because why the fuck not? We were both bored with our previous bands and wanted a fresh start.

I always knew from the second I met Tommy that there was something about the way we're with one another that wasn't all friendly, but it took me a while to figure out exactly what it was because I wasn't emotionally developed enough with feelings, especially the romantic and sexual feelings I had for the drummer.

When I first realised I was attracted to Tommy it scared me a little because he was the first person and still to this day the only person I've felt so strongly for, I'd always known since the age of thirteen that I was gay but to fall in love with another man was daunting for me.

I didn't entirely think Tommy would have fancied me back, but he did... we got together and we were together for a long time... from '84 until '98, we broke up almost ten years ago, ten years ago was when times were better.

So, yeah, Tommy and I used to be a thing, a good thing, a stable thing... but then like everything else in my life I fucked it up. I'm used to doing that, it's one of my specialities but if there was one thing I never wanted to fuck up it was Tommy.

We were so in love with each other and I'm still in love with him, I don't know if he still loves me exactly in the same way and maybe that's best or maybe I do know and I'm just in denial. But, when we were together times were better because our relationship was pretty much perfect.

I've tried to move on but I couldn't, I simply couldn't... I knew I couldn't ever find what I had with Tommy again.

The reason we broke up is pathetic, I've always been insecure about myself and my self worth, I just can't see myself in much of a good light, being told your worthless for years on end by your own mother is going to fuck you over a little bit.

I don't know exactly what did it but I do know when I just started to think I wasn't good enough for Tommy anymore, I just thought he deserved someone else, that I wasn't making him happy when looking back now I know I was... it went on for about a year this self hate before it got to the tenth anniversary of my overdose and I did what I thought was best and that point was to break the only thing worth living for.

When Tommy and I first got together, when I first asked him to be mine, never in a million years did I think I'd be the one who'd break up with him, I can't believe I did... it was the biggest mistake of my life leaving Tommy, and I realised that pretty much instantly- it really wasn't my proudest moment.

Us breaking up definitely affected the band, when we broke up we'd released 'Generation Swine' the year before which was our first album in five years with Vince... we'd patched things up with him by that point and made amends for what we did to him in 1992... we'd just fixed the band and me breaking up with Tommy fucked it all again.

The band meetings we had after Tom and I broke up were just kind of awkward, it ended out getting too much for Tommy to be around me so he left the band in 1999, he was still involved with us but more from behind the scenes- it was strange recording 'New Tattoo' without T-Bone... but it was my own fault at the end of the day.