tw: cutting ⚠️ (i just want him to look at me like that 😫)
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You sobbed uncontrollably and felt every emotion that came through your body.
You couldn't let your fiancé see like you anymore. You were sick of it. You hated every single thing about yourself but there's nothing you can do.
You've tried everything to hurt you but nothing worked. You wanted to do something that wanted to destroy your life. But you knew if you did that, it would end Connor's life and his career.
But you didn't care anymore, you wanted to do something to yourself so bad as you felt the urge.
You had to deal with depression and anxiety alone until you started to meet your fiancé around that time and he had helped you get through it easily but you managed to do it and cured it.
You were proud and happy but you knew there was something else you've tried to get away with.
Growing up, you were surrounded by your family members who abused you from day to night every day and nobody knew except your loving supporting fiancé.
He was everything you've been wanting ever since you have dreamed about getting a boyfriend soon and you were glad that you found one who loved you as much as you loved him.
"I can't do this anymore." You whimpered as you shook out of your thoughts aggressively.
As you sat on your bed, knees over to your chest and head deepened into your arms, you sobbed and sobbed until you leftover one.
You were sick of yourself. You hated yourself so this was it. You were ready for whatever was about to happen and slowly felt every pit of pain hit you across the face, hard and harshly.
"I'm sorry, Connor." You sobbed over your words as you stood up and walked into your washroom.
You took a deep yet shaky breath that you kept for a while as you clenched your palm and loosened it when you saw a sharp blade on the counter.
You grabbed it and swallowed hard, "I'm so sorry, baby." You didn't want to end your life like this so you stopped and dropped the blade on the counter.
As quickly as you went to get a paper and a pen, you thought nothing but how you were going to end your life like this.
You wrote down all the words you remembered earlier in your head on the paper as you suffered slowly, the tears dripping on the paper.
As the time came by fast, you sobbed uncontrollably and shook your head roughly when you were done with the writing.
You dropped the pen and picked up the razor blade, your shaky hand placing it on your wrist.
"I love you, baby. I love you. Connor, I'm sorry." You repeated the words as you clenched your eyes and fist tightly and hard.
