Chapter 41: Feeling like an Outsider

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(Sorry for the delay. I haven't been doing good mentally. Question of the day, how do you like her and asher together?)

"Can you believe it!" Liv ranted to Spencer about the shooting of a young black female.

"Its tragic," he agreed.

"And my mom isnt doing amything," liv continued.

I gave her a confused look. Her mom has been at work since this started, or is she forgetting this.

"Liv-" Spencer tried to intervene but Liv continued.

"She isnt releasing that tape. She was drunk and she pulled over and now shes dead!" Liv yelled in anger.

"Olivia, " I said reaching out only for her to turn away.

I know it is probably in my head, but ever since I almost killed myself I feel like I dont fit in anymore. Like an outsider. I left for school and so did he. Once the bell rang our group dispersed and I went to advanced chemistry.

"Hey, are you okay?" JJ asked me.

Dont ask me how hes in advanced chemistry, but chemisty makes sense to him.

"Yeah I'm okay," I told him.

"Are you sure?" He pushed giving me a concerned look.

I felt embarrassed by how I felt. And I felt like this was all for attention. Me shutting down emotionally.

"Yeah I'm sure," I told with a fake smile,"I'm just tired."

"Of what?" He asked.

"Please just leave me alone," I begged.

"Fine. But I want to be here for you Nix," he said and pulled out his notes.

Once chemistry was over I went to my other classes before lunch. I sat in silence listening to everyone talk about events i missed due to therapy. Asher was leading in the way in the conversation a smile on his face.

"She seems depressed," vanessa giggled thinking I couldnt hear her.

"That's insensitive, " liv told her.

"So Pheonix, you excited for you competition?" JJ asked gearing the conversation to me.

"Oh yeah. It's my last competition before my qualification to be apart if the Olympics trials," I told them a smile appearing on my face.

"You guys ready for the homecoming game?" Jordan asked making me go small again.

My coach doesn't want me cheering until asked my qualifications, so I cant cheer. Another thing I'm missing out on.

Asher started talking strategies about the game, his smile from earlier re-appearing. We havent told anyone we are dating, and we certainly dont act like we are dating either.

"Guys, Phoenix was talking," JJ snapped.

"Its fine JJ," I dismissed.

The bell rang breaking up the awkwardness and I quickly left for class. Although english the events of lunch played through my head. Why was JJ standing up for me and not my own boyfriend. This kept bothering me and eating up at me.

After school was over I walked out to Asher's car.

"When are we going to tell people about us?" I asked asher.

"I thought we said we would do that when you were in a better place," asher said to me.

"That doesn't mean you have to completely ignore me or look uninterested in what I have to say," I told him.

"Where is this coming from?" He asked me.

"Why is JJ the only one who seems to care about what I'm interested in?" I asked him,"I am trying to go to the Olympics and JJ is the only one who acted like he even gave a damn."

"That's not fair."

"You sat there bored, but as soon as Jordan mentioned homecoming you came to life," i continued.

"Well I'm sorry I was excited about homecoming. If I'm such a bad boyfriend, go date JJ!" He yelled at me.

I stormed off and got a ride with liv. On the way home she seemed anxious.

"If I made a mistake would you still be my friend," she asked me.

"Liv, our friendship has survived quite a few mistakes," I told her.

She forced a laugh and nodded her head,"good, because I'm going to do something, and it may be a mistake," she admitted.

"Good to know," I told her.

We pulled up to the house an I started to pace. Me and asher had a pretty big fight, over nothing. I shouldnt have even said anything. This is why no one wants to hang out with me.

Just cut

"Shut up!" I yelled at my own thoughts.

"Damn, I havent even talked yet," jordan said coming into my room.

"That wasnt directed at you," I said wiping my tears.

"Hey, I'm sorry about today," jordan told me,"simone informed me I may have been insensitive."

"Your fine. It's my bad," I told him.

"Are you sure everything is okay?" Jordan asked grabbing my hand.

Suddenly my phone went off. It was Liv's podcast. I hit play and suddenly the video of the young girl being killed was played. My hand was clasped over my mouth as I cried watching the film. Once the video finished me and jordan were silent.

"How did liv get this?" Jordan asked me.

"Your mom is going to flip her shit," I said to him.

(Sorry for the crappy filler. I'm excited for the next chapter. I love you all.)

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