Threads of Tapestry

See You In Next Life

SEE YOU IN NEXT LIFE

"W-what did the doctor say? L-love, please be honest with me. No matter what the result is, I'll be here with you." My boyfriend held both of my hands as I walked outside of my doctor's office. This was the assigned day that he'd tell me what my illness is, and the result made me even weaker.

Napatungo na lang ako at pinipigilan ang mga luha na nagbabadyang bumuhos. Isa pa, hindi ko rin alam kung paano ko sasabihin sa kanya ang lahat.

I begged him to wait outside and let me hear it first, because when I knew it first, I could lie to him.

"I let you enter first, no matter how I want us to hold hands while listening, because I'm confident that you're okay." Ramdam ko ang takot sa boses niya ng humarap ako sa kanya at bahagyang ngumiti. Nakakainis lang dahil sa gitna no'n ay tumulo ang luha. He knew that I couldn't keep anything from him.
 
"I'm sick..." I almost whisper, got no enough voice to tell him. "The reason why my head always hurts as hell is because I have cancer, Kurt." I confessed.

Matagal kong tinago sa kanila at itinanggi sa sarili ko ang mga senyales na nararamdaman ko dahil bukod sa alam kong mag-aalala sila ay alam ko naman na walang pampagamot sa akin ang pamilya ko dahil alam kong hindi namin kaya ang ganoon kalaking gastusin.

Siguro ang pamilya niya, oo, pero ayaw kong isipiin na gagastos ng malaking pera ang magulang niya nang dahil sa akin.

They don't like me for their son in the first place.

"You'll be okay—we'll treat that. You'll be okay."  Alam kong alam niya kung gaano kaonti ang nakakasurive sa sakit ko pero pilit niya pa ring pinapalakas ang loob ko.

God, I'm so lucky to have this guy, and I'm so anxious that the word 'have' will turn into 'had' after my remaining days.

I smiled faintly and looked at our hands holding each other.

"I'm so lucky to you have in my life," I whispered, sincerely.

"You know how much I love you, Anie, and at kahit na labag kay Dad, I'm willing to use all my cards to find a competent doctor for you, and you can't even stop me—" hindi ko na napigilan pa ang pag hikbi ko dahil doon.
 
"Kurt, please, you're making it hard for me to leave!" singhal ko sa kanya sa gitna ng mga hikbi ko at sunod-sunod na ang pag patak ng maiiinit na luha sa mga mata ko. "It's too late—" my voice was rough. "I-I only have unexactly one-hundred days to live."

Muli akong tumungo dahil hindi na ako makatingin sa mga mata niya na alam kong lumuluha na din. It multiplied my pain.

Saglit kaming natahimik dalawa hanggang sa unti-unti kong maramdaman ang mga bisig niya na yumakap sa akin. I let him lean his head on my shoulder and cry. We're both leaning on each other, sharing the pain, so it could hurt a little less because we can't do anything about it.

"Come on, it's not like I'm going to die tomorrow. One hundred days are so long and I want to spend it like eternity with you." bawi ko.

Kurt isn't the type of guy who easily cries, even when both of us are having a hard time because I am too weak to handle pain. He always needed to be strong for me, but now I see his weakest point.

Seeing me in an unacceptable situation makes him beyond weak. The thought weakened me even more.

"I-i'm so scared," he sobbed on my shoulder, burying his head in my neck. "I love you so much to let you go, love—I'm so afraid..."

"But we know that we can't do anything about it, love," mahigpit akong napakapit sa likod ng kanyang damit. I hugged him tightly.

I want to stay and have a great future—spending the rest of eternity—with him, but this is the reality. And me surviving is not possible.

"See you in next life, Kurt. I'm happy and beyond grateful that at least I am once given a life as a girl named Anie and met you. A girl named Anie loved you so much."