Threads of Tapestry

Deal I Wanna Break - Part 3

DEAL I WANNA BREAK
(Part 3)

"Hello, Cynth, Are you avail-"

[I'm sorry, Ren. Our deal was done years ago. I told you I'm not having a night with you again. I'm sorry.] And she ended the fucking call.

I press the home button on my phone and then press the notepad to mark Cynthia as missed for all of the girls that I plan to call. She's been the 18th woman that I've called and still refuses. I tried to call them with a sweet and endearing approach, but it didn't work. All of them are refusing me now. Not even making me finish my sentence.

Am I a bad guy? All the women that I've been with were good friends. No, some of them actually avoided me after confessing to me. I told them before we even entered a room: No love, just lust. That's a rule, and most of them understood it. Siguro dahil ang ilan ay may edad na rin. They weren't looking for someone younger to have a relationship with.

I felt sorry because, ever since I entered the business, I promised myself that I would never break that rule. I hate breaking a deal, especially when I made it myself.

I need them for money. That's the fact. Love will only distract me from getting those.

After calling Meriam, who also refused me for the 20th time, nawalan na ako ng pag-asa. Suko akong napabuntong hininga bago ako napasandal sa sofa at napatitig sa kisame.

A dirty white, plain, boring, and grimy ceiling. Suddenly, I felt as though I was staring at myself in the mirror.

Ilang segundo pa ay napahilamos na ako ng mukha at mariing napapikit dahil sa frustration.

I always end a deal in all the right ways and with a good approach. After the deal, I treated them as friends, but why are they avoiding me now? Halos lahat sila ay hindi man lang ako pinatapos sa sasabihin ko.

I wasn't asking them for sex, but for money to borrow instead. I know, and I respect them if they have a good relationship now, so I just want to ask for something I can return in a good way.

Just this once. Just for my uncle's and aunt's deaths.

Their death.

I'm not sure if they call it dramatic, but I blame myself for their deaths. Especially kay Auntie.

When she found out that Uncle was dead and I was struggling with money for her kidney transplant, she decided to leave. She left me without even seeing me beg in front of her to stay.

What about me? I thought I could be the reason for her to hold on, but it turns out that I'm the reason she decided to let go. Auntie left me a note saying she wants what is best for me and for me to live a life. She said I'm not getting younger, so instead of worrying about her, I should be looking for a wife that I'd spend the rest of my life with.

God, when I read that, my knees fell to the floor. Napayuko ako at umiyak habang paulit-ulit na nagsosorry.

Nothing hurts more than knowing you're already left alone.

I was struggling just to make Auntie stay, but she left me thinking she was a burden. Nothing hurts more than failing to save someone you treasure.

Iniwan ako ni Auntie three days after mawala ni Uncle kaya naman napagdesisyunan namin ni Jo na iisang lamay na lang. Hindi rin naman nagtagal ang lamay na yon dahil iilang kaibigan lang naman ang dumalaw dahil si Uncle ay only child and Auntie's only sister is my biological mother. Both sides has no other relatives so wala talagang makakapunta bukod sa mga dating kaibigan nila.

I decided to give them a good funeral, good coffins, and everything. I know I look so stupid spending the money I never even worked for, but that's all I can do for my non-biological parents, who raised me like I was their biological son. For the last time.