Forever and Always

A Walk in the Moonlight

Later that night, after everyone had left or was asleep, I found myself back at the lake. I was grieving for someone not yet dead. I pulled out my phone, that somehow still worked, and put on some sad music. I cried for a lot of reasons. Anger, loss, death, and even life.

I hadn't dresses proper to be out here. It was dangerous. Being so close to the forest and unaware of what was around me. I didn't hear anything. I sat there waiting for this to be a dream or a mental episode. Reather than the reality I desperately hoped it was. I started shivering from how cold it had become.

Thats when I realized I wasn't alone. Sat beside me was the man whose soul I was crying for. The death I had watched many times before, in agony. We sat in silence for a while before he spoke. "Would you like to take a walk in the moonlight?" I look over at him. "Are you sure you want to? I'm not the most exciting company you could have." He nearly smiles. "I could say the same." I smile through the tears. "That's not true at all. My only" I use my fingers for air quotes," 'friend' here came because she wanted to marry Draco, which is going to happen. I went to see her because we're related and I have guardianship. But I'm loosing her. Every day since she arrived she's been becoming part of this world. She has friends her own age. Taylor Falcon for instance. She doesn't need me for anything but permission to leave school grounds."

I look at my feet. "I'm sorry for sounding like a fool Severus." He says nothing about my use of his name. "Why are you crying? Isn't that good? She's happy." I smile. "I didn't come to make her happy. I came to finally be happy myself. I always make sure everyone is happy, even at my own expense." I can tell he understands.

I stand up and he follows. "How about that walk?" He holds out an arm and when I take it, we start to walk. "Did you have anyone special in your world?" I take a breath. "I did. His name was Ian. Like I've said before,  not my own age. He was 5 or so years above me. He started going to my church and he was gay. One night at a christian youth event, he become one of us, them. He was 'saved' and a beautiful person with amazing personality. What's not to love?" I smile sadly as he listens. "But I was only 13 or 14. Of course it wouldn't happen. I knew it. But others could see that I loved him. I tried to hide it but they would always ask, 'do you still love him?' And I'd always reply with 'yes'."

He walks us around the edges of the forest. "I knew he would never be mine and maybe that made him more alluring, but I never could stop the attraction. I dated other people when he went off to college but the minute he returned, I remembered why I never looked at others." He looks at me now. "And why was that?" I ponder for a moment. "I think because he was all I wanted. I had no want for the boys my age. No attraction there. He was different. But he was pining after my cousin-" He looks disgusted. "Noella? She's hardly 16?!" I chuckle. "Another version of her was left behind but no. Her sister Arabelle. She was beautiful and always kind. But I was so upset, I couldn't see she didn't feel that same. I realized there was nothing left for me there so I took my first trip through a dimension."

He looks a bit shocked. "First? You mean you've done this before?" I nod. "Many times. Throughout my time I made different choices. I did everything I could think of. I'll let you in on a secret. I'm in love with the person I'm here to save. Strange thing is, I hated them so much the first time I came here that I relished the moment he died. Now thought, as I've grown, I've been there through the person's life span. I know every choice he ever made and the reasons why."

I hesitate on the last bit I have to say. "I fell for them because of how pure and all consuming their love for someone else was." He gasps quietly. "Are you in love with Lucius Malfoy?" I stand still for a moment. "No but I guess you would think that, wouldn't you?" He turns to me. "And what is that supposed to mean?" I grow at him. "Just that you can be so self loathing that you can't see the bigger picture sometimes." He opens and closes his mouth twice before turning on his heal and leaving me.

I make my way back to my room alone in hopes of getting some sleep, however little that may be. I fall asleep near instantly in my bed.