The Exchange (Cate Blanchett and Angelina Jolie Fan Fiction)

Falling Out of Love

TW: Self Harming and Alcohol, please be warned.

Cate was shattered and clueless. The younger woman thought that she can give this woman another chance but everything seems to go down hill and it is not looking great. Explanation and understanding is what she just needed but then her heart closed and didn't want anything anymore because continuing this matter will not bring them any good.

Rue forced herself to rest at the couch, not wanting to see Cate for the longest time. She has been thinking deeply about their relationship if there is a rightful decision about them separating because even though that they have shared the best moment of love and joy, one painful mistake makes the biggest impact in her life.

Cate tried her best, and it does involve with the help of her kids. She was trying to convince Rue to give her one more chance even though that she knows that her wife is now looking at her in the most negative way.

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Rueben POV:

"Mama, do you want to sleep in our room?" Little Elliot asked while he was holding his favorite toy.

"It is okay baby. Mama just needs space." I said weakly after all the crying and all the sudden happenings that I just experienced right now.

Little Elliot slowly nods her head and gave me a warm and loving hug. After I thought that he would be heading straight to his room, he gave me his Hela toy and told me that it will be keeping me company.

It was a model of Cate and tears started to roll down my cheek. I dont know what to feel right now because everything just happen all of a sudden. Fights and these types of arguments have been my ultimate weakness.

Everyone was asleep and all I could not sleep at all. My bag was there beside me and things were inside there. Things that could possibly make me feel better. The pain in my face and the impact of the fall that Cate gave me a while ago was still there, which making me get up the most impossible.

I pushed my hands down the couch to help me get up and then I decided to stand up, heading to the kitchen. The refrigerator always has cold bottles of beer when we needed it for special occasions but I think need to take my mind off things.

"5 will do."

Placing all the bottles on the kitchen counter, I started opening them and chugged them to the very most last drop. There was no break or space in between drinks. I am drinking my feelings out and it made everything feel better.

Cate claims that she's here for me and others. I didn't expect her to lie, Telling me that I should never weep. But to think of it, she is the reason why I am weeping. All of my feelings are going at its deepest and having this time and moment is already killing me.

The knife was the nearest thing that I could reach. I did not want to do it but then there will always be this certain satisfaction when you see blood coming out of your own body, as if it I am so addicted to inflicting pain to myself. Placing 5 cuts all over my wrists, blood started gushing out of my skin and the feeling was amazing.

But a few seconds in, I started to hiss in pain. Turning the sink on and have the warm water rolling on top of my skin, my chests starts to collapse and my breathe starts to normalize.

Depression is a beast that eats away at both the heart and the spirit. It torments without mercy and completely swallows its victim. It paralyzes and disables people, making life too difficult to bear. It may turn every day into a nightmare and leave a person hopeless.

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I fell asleep on the couch and made sure that all of my mess in the kitchen was cleaned up. I slowly got a long sleeved sweater from the laundry room, not wanting to disturbing her sleep and not showing her that I am bleeding.

The living room was filled with the brightest lights from the sun's rays coming through the large windows of our home. It made me turn the opposite side of the couch, turning my back to the day's positive and want to hide myself from everything.

"Mama..."

Ruby's voice appeared from no where and then she was holding a picture of me and Cate when we were married. Cate I guess was trying her best but at this point, all I could do is show a fake smile to my child and pretend that I appreciated what it was.

Falling in love with you was one of the best decisions I have ever made sweetheart. There was no one regretful moment that I have ever experienced with you but one thing that is haunting me is how insensitive and misunderstanding I am. I hope you will give me some time and chance Rue. I miss you. My life is incomplete without you.

- Cate xoxo

Tears started to roll down my cheek but whatever I am feeling inside my heart was something numb. There was no spark and love that I am feeling and it hurts that I am turning into the villain that I don't want myself to be.

Is the sensation already dissipated? Because I have a feeling it's already gone, or am I simply looking back, thinking it's already gone? I'm losing interest in you, To the one I truly adore, I battled for this love for days, and it still gave up.

"Sweetheart?" Cate was there holding a plate of breakfast and little Elliot holding my clothes that were neatly folded. He placed it beside me and gave me a morning kiss on the cheek.

Cate slowly placed the plate right in front of me and sat right. It hurts that there was this deafening and killing distance between us. She would be here right beside me, placing kisses all over my neck and hugging me...

But there she is looking at me, waiting for an answer or words that I am supposed to share. I didnt say anything. Taking off the sweater and changing into the t-shirt my son has gave me, Cate sees my cuts and suddenly cried.

"Baby, what is that? Please talk to me..."

"I just had to Catherine.."

 I called her Catherine and I barely call her that. I never did. My heart wanted to call her that but it seems to be right. She looks at me and then wipes her tears away. I quickly wore my shirt and then took a bite of what she cooked.

It was homey and I missed everything about this. The taste was comforting but there it goes again... The feeling I have towards Cate was now different.

"So... uhm... What is going to happen Rueben?" She called me by my first name.

And at this point.. I know what to say.

"I hope this doesn't upset you, since I don't love you, but I still want to be with you, because I'm truly enjoying you now."

Not because I don't have this emotion, but because I want to love you.Love for the sake of feeling is immature love; love for the sake of seeking is real love.