Nine Lives

Red Lipstick

I caught my breath, flustered as I took in his tensed features, pure hatred seeping from his words. "I...I didn't mean to...I was just joking around..."

"...bullshit. You were snooping, like you always do. This is why I don't bring you out anymore: way too needy." He spat, unhooking my arms and crossing his.

I let a tear sprout, stealthily wiping it away before he made a snarky remark of my clinginess. I sat in silence, listening to his rant on privacy and space, various swear words outweighing the occasional, 'its only because I love you', or, 'we are a team, you need to start playing your part'.

"I'm sorry" I said when he stopped moaning. 

At the beginning of our relationship, an action like that from him would have sparked a massive argument. I would have screamed and shouted and demanded respect until he apologised for his wrongdoing...but now, well the truth is, i'm too scared to do that.

"Don't bother, Amelia." I winced at his use of my full name. "How would you like it if I looked at your phone...?" The moment he said it, my blood transformed into acid. I registered the look on his face before he even did, and grabbed my glittery case as he lunged towards it, scrambling with me to get a hold of the pathetic little box.

I held the phone under my bum, terrified Blake would have texted me. Did I press delete when I removed the messages? Did I register him under another name? Would he have texted me about my answer?

"Jackson! Get off me!" I struggled to keep a grip on it, damned gel case, and as he overpowered me and pushed me onto my side, it flew out of my hand and into his. "Seriously, Jackson, don't."

"Not so much fun now, is it?" He snarled, humour dancing around his glassy eyes. "I'm only joking babe, that's what you were doing right?" There was pure sarcasm as he flicked on the lock screen, a picture of me and him hugging in the front seat of his car last summer, our smiles matching as we flashed them to the camera, genuinely content and happy.

I breathed a sigh of relief as I saw the home screen was vacant - no new texts.

"Cute picture, I wonder what your home screen is." He punched in my passcode, which he learnt through watching over my shoulder last year, and scrolled to the last screen as I pushed him to give it back.

"Baby, please. Look, i'm sorry, I shouldn't have tried to look, I really am sorry. Please, can I have my phone back, I promise there's nothing but boring books and selfies on there." The fear that took over me turned into terror as he opened up my photos app, disregarding the background of a chocolate cake I changed it to last night.

"Selfies, huh?" He shouted, stomping all over my apology. "Who you been taking selfies for, you never sent me this one!"

He shoved the screen in my face as a picture of me, experimenting with red lipstick and my hair in a bun stared back at me, a reflection of me feeling emotions I can't even remember. If time machines existed, this was defiantly one of them. This girl staring back at me, the red lips saying fun, the wide smile saying happy and the wide eyes saying care-free...it was a living, breathing blast from the past. "I'm allowed to take selfies for myself, Jackson."

He snorted as he zoomed in on the photo, textured pillows of red splashing blood over Jacksons illuminated face. "Red lipstick, who the fuck brought you that?"

I hung off the end of the bed, looking at the floor and fiddling my thumbs as I winced to the forcefulness of his words. The truth was, I brought that lipstick. I wanted to try something new...and red had always been a good colour on me, so I thought. Looking back at the picture, I remember feeling confident for the first time in forever. The red made me feel alive...different...pretty.

"Amelia! Answer me, why the hell are you wearing lipstick? You know I hate you in red, god, it makes your cheeks look chubby. No wonder you didn't show anyone this, it should be in the deleted pile." He laughed under his breath, a malicious, disrespectful, pitiful laugh.

"I liked it..." I mumbled, head hanging between my shoulder blades.

Jackson stopped his finger just above the bin icon, throwing my phone on the bed and kneeling down in front of me...pincers at the ready to thrust my head upwards. "You what?" He said gently, the change in tone sending palpitations to my heart.

'I...I thought I looked good." I hated the weakness in my voice. I cursed my pushover, insecure self and wanted the floor to swallow me up and into the depths of hell.

His hand scratched my cheek, lifting my quivering chin up to face him, eyes locked onto mine as I held back the tears flaring up. "Only I can tell you when you look good...i'm your boyfriend, after all."

I stayed deathly still, careful not to navigate my eyes over to the phone screen that had just lit up with an obvious alert to a message. Jackson hadn't noticed the vibration, but the light was like a beacon, waiting for the spotlight to fall on the monsters sharp teeth.

Please don't turn round, please don't turn round.

"Babe, in the future, go with nude...it's more sexy. Reds for whores, I don't want my girlfriend looking like a slut in front of all my friends"

A few more seconds, please don't turn round...keep eye contact.

"You know I could get any girl I want, you are lucky to have me. You're lucky I love you."

Turn off. Turn off. Turn off.

"I accept your apology, but don't do it again."

Thank you, nonexistent lord.

Jackson flicked my head to the side, storming out of the room just as the light flickered out. I let the fear seep away, tears quickly wiped as I grabbed my phone and fiddled for the off button. With shaking hands, I held down the side, but not before I saw the bold words of:

Tonights the night, darling. I need a decision soon. Adventure awaits, just for you - B

Song Dedication - Love Is The Devil, Natalie Jane