sangfroid | eren x reader

two

"what do you mean i cant go!" my voice raised in anger, following behind my commander with a harsh tred.

"i said you cant! you're too undertrained." ezekiel returned just as loud as me, halting his path to revolt around. he met my eyes, furrow depicted in them.

"that's funny, because you're the one who trained me!" my words ricocheted off the stone palace walls, emitting down the hallway.

"i'm your commander, what i say goes." with his last word, he walked off into the darkness and out of my vision. tears stung my eyes from anger, but i quickly wiped them and headed to my quarters. it had been months since my special ops training finalised, and so far i had not gone on a mission. it was as though me and the rest of the ops sat in silence whilst the military fought what needed to be defeated.

my quarters were cold and damp, just like every other room in this building. i slammed the decaying wood door behind me, it echoed as though the whole house could hear.

recently, news of a titan inside the walls had spread, resulting in the special ops team to be called in. of course, ezekiel did not trust me enough to allow me on the rendezvous.

my head fell limp in my hands, i dragged them- course and split due to intensive training- down until they landed in my lap. a black box atop my beside cabinet caught my eye, and i rapidly darted towards it. inside were all the letters historia and ymir sent since my deployment. it pained my heart reading over the words they spoke, i could hear historias excitement between the lines like how she would hiccup when she spoke too quickly about things. despite me always telling her off for it, i missed how ecstatic she would become over little insignificants such as birds.

my thoughts were interrupted by my door opening, causing me to scurry to put the letters back into the box. adrian appeared from behind the frame, his eyes scanning the room.

"can i help?" i interrupted him, his body shook slightly as he met my eyes.

"sorry, i was checking to see if you was okay." his voice barely above a whisper.

"i'm fine." my words were blunt, although i wasn't mad at him precisely, more so ezekiel.

"okay, because i heard a bang come from the girls quarters." he explained himself, which made sense as how disruptive i had been previously.

"sorry, my fault." i apologised, to which he nodded slowly. his eyes began wandering the room again as we fell into a stiff, uncomfortable silence. his body rested unnaturally against the door frame.

"i'm sorry about ezekiel," he finally spoke, breaking the tension ever so slightly.

"it's not your fault. i understand where he's coming from." i lied, he was being an uptight asshole.

"i tried telling him you're ready." he paused, his lips fleetingly stretching into a thin line... "i think you're a better fighter than me." he confessed, raising a hand to scratch the nape of his neck.

"that's not true. but thank you." a genuine smile found its way onto my lips.

"it is. anyways, i came to tell you we should be leaving soon. i wanted to make sure you'll be okay by yourself."

"i'm sure i'll be fine." i nodded my head towards him. he slowly nodded his head in understanding, retreating his body around to shut the door.

time had passed since the unit had left, leaving me isolated in the mansion. dusk had fallen long ago and i aimlessly turned in my sleep as sweat cascaded down my forehead. i awoke, startled from my dream. night terrors had been a regular occurrence since joining the special ops force, or rather since leaving my historia.