Trauma Bond

lovely

"Veda I am begging you to come with me, PLEASE!" Kiana demanded.
She had me pushed into a corner more or less demanding that I leave my bothers birthday party with her. It seems like all of the things that I've found myself hating about her just keep evolving and  getting more aggressive.
"Yo calm down, what's your problem???" I asked.
"My problem?? Aight let's be honest. I don't want you here and spending the night with Mr. Steal Yo girl over there!" She spat pointing at Billie.
Billie, totally oblivious of this ridiculous conversation I was stuck in, was in the other room celebrating a beer pong win with Miles.
Looking over and seeing my best friend and my brother hugging, dancing around and taunting the losing pair of players made me realize how toxic this relationship is that I was in. And I refuse to deal with this type of shit.
"Look at me. This is my brothers birthday party and that is my best friend" I stated firmly as I grasped her shoulders.
"This ain't it. I am not doing this with you or with anyone for that matter. Stop the jealous shit or we're done." I stated firmly.
She ran her hands across her face in frustration.
"Fine. But don't make me regret this."
"Don't make me...." I replied grabbing her hand, trying to offer assurance. She rolled her eyes, knelt down and gave me a peck on the lips.
"Call me in the morning please."
"I will, shoot me a text when you get home. Drive safe." I replied.

Not gonna lie it was a relief when Kiana left. I could finally let my guard down and not worry about doing anything that'll piss her off.

"Veda!!! What are you doin lame ass come play!" Miles yelled. "Lame!?!? You tryna get your ass handed to you aren't you!" I laughed.

Everyone cleared out around 2 am besides the four of us and it was just like senior year all over again. We all washed up, got in pajamas, made a huge pallet on the living room floor with multiple air mattresses and comforters and then FaceTimed Jania. It was almost 6 am in New York so she was pissed at first; she goes to NYU now so we don't get see each other much anymore.

I was laying between Billie and Ashton sending Kiana a goodnight text when Billie stood up out of no where and hooked her phone up to the surround sound speakers.

"I wanna show you guys something but all I ask is that you be completely honest with me" she announced.
We all put our phones down at the same time and gave her our full attention, the anticipation and curiosity was killing me.

"So I did do a little something in London besides working on my mental health" she smiled and walked back over to our make shift group bed, sat down and pressed play.

"Thought I found a way; thought I found a way out..but you never go away; So I guess I gotta stay now....."

The song was hauntingly beautiful. It took me a minute to realize the voice singing the words was my best friend. My mind was blown because I never even knew that she could sing let alone write music. I discretely looked over at her as the song continued to play. She quietly mouthed the words as she looked down at her hands, fidgeting with her rings. I watched the loose strands of hair that danced around her face from the ceiling fan breeze as the lyrics of the song tore through my ear drums, down my throat leaving an emotional knot, passed my heart and into my gut leaving a burst of butterflies.

This song is beautifully heartbreaking.

I am so in awe of this girl.

"Yo! You wrote that??" Miles asked.
"Yeah" Billie giggled.
Ashton and I both started laughing at each other because we were modestly shedding tears and embarrassed.
"Are y'all for real?? Why the fuck are you crying??" Billie laughed. "God you're soft!" She teased throwing both of her arms around me and squeezing until my back popped.
"Leave me alone! You know I'm emotional."
"I'm playin, I love that about you" she said softly.
I cleared my throat noticing that my brother and Ash were gawking at us.
"It was beautiful Bils. I don't even know where to start with the thoughts going through my head but You can sing bro!!!??" I giggled.
"Yes, yes I can sing. I guess I didn't find it therapeutic until I was doing the work to heal my trauma." She explained.
"Well your healing sounds beautiful" I smiled.
And for the first time in nine months I got to see her beautiful pale skin turn the faintest shade of pink because she doesn't know how to take a compliment.
"Shut the fu...."
I sat up on my knees and covered her mouth with my hand before she could finish.
"Take the damn compliment Eilish" I whispered sternly.
She never broke eye contact and I could feel her lips arching into a smile under my palm. I slowly pulled my hand away continuing to match her staring. I guess I was low key trying to prove to myself that she couldn't intimidate me anymore but I know damn well I'm lying to myself, she still does and probably always will.
"Umm should we leave?" Miles joked.
Billie and I both broke eye contact at the same time, it's like we forgot that we weren't the only people in the room.
"What!? Would you guys stop with innuendos jesus!" I laughed.

One by one everyone passed out and I was pretty sure I was the last one awake until I rolled over to face billie and her eyes were wide open.
"Fuck you scared the shit outta me" I whispered.
"Boo bitch" she giggled.
"I forgot how annoying you were." I whispered.
"Please, you forgot how much you loved me is what it is" she smirked.
"So what's your plan, are you going back to London?" I asked.
"Nope, I bought a house."
I threw my hands up in disbelief to be dramatic. "Im sorry you bought a house??? When were you gonna tell me?"
"Surprise" she snorted.
"Well congrats! I guess!"
"You guess? The fuck is that?"
"It's a; my best friend bought a house and I didn't hear anything about it until after it happened problem I suppose."
"Sorry. I guess I got in super independent mode over there and didn't even think about it." She explained.
"It's fine B I'm just giving you a hard time."
"I could use help filling it up though....furniture and shit" she smiled.
"Im down, just hit me up."
"How bout you hit me up so I don't call when your jealous ass girlfriend is around."
"Uhhhh don't remind me" I groaned. "And I'm really sorry, I don't know what her problem is. I told her before she left that she needed to chill cuz I ain't dealing with trust issues and shit" I explained.
"MmHmm." Billie hummed.

I didn't respond because I know the conversation would just go in circles. I already know dragging this relationship out is pointless even though I believe in giving people chances to change. But mostly I know that all Im going to want to do now is spend every moment I can with Billie now that she's back and Kiana was definitely going to get in the way of that.