We Go Down (Bremmy 2)

Chapterish 60

THE CALL

I wake up early the next morning, though considering I left Brooks in my hallway at 3AM, I basically napped instead of slept. Still, as I lie in bed now, replaying last night's exchange in my head, I'm already in a better mind space.

I didn't let broken Brooks break me. One point for Emmy.

For the first time since maybe I arrived back in Seattle, I'm genuinely excited for the upcoming months. For the wedding and to see everyone again, for Go Zen 2.0, and for the impending summer in Seattle. I'll be 29 this July and I'm determined to end my twenties in fucking spectacular fashion.

Light streaks across my loft, bathing it in a morning glow. The alarm clock shows 6:03 AM. A vibration tickles my toes and I fumble around in the blanket feeling for my phone.

Trix.
Trix.
Trix.

Her name flashes across my screen as one by one her messages pop up in banners. Wedding talk, no doubt. I swipe open, yawning.

I scroll up until my eyes find the top of her recent string of texts, my heart quickening as I do so.

Em babe, I have news...
It's Mr. Brooks - there's been an accident. Idk what - Brody just told Travis.
He passed away, Em

My eyes dart back up to reread her words again.

Brooks is MIA.
No one can get ahold of him.
I'm not sure I should tell you or you even care but :/
You know how he is.
Wanted to let you know.

<3 <3

"Oh my god. Oh my god." I whisper quietly for my own benefit.

A pang of something -sorrow maybe -gets caught in my chest. I think about the last time I saw Brooks's dad. I think about that night in Florida, an entire year and whole lifetime ago, and I remember the loathing I felt. Second-hand loathing for Brooks at how horrible his father treated him.

Mr. Brooks was not a great person or father, and certainly no role model for his sons, but still -he was their father. My heart swells for Brooks and Brody. I grip my phone, clutched tightly in my hands, and debate my next move.

Then I remember last night. I remember Brook's mumbling words -his efforts to try and tell me what was happening. And I dismissed it. Dismissed him.

I stare at Trix's text.

Brooks is MIA

I wonder did Trix know -did Travis -Brody -anybody know that Brooks was in Seattle last night? That I'm the one he went to?

To text or not to text. To reach out to Jay or not to. I can separate this, I tell myself. I can separate the ex-boyfriend, ex-future, water-bottle label-proposing Jay from the childhood friend version of himself. I can put the person I saw last night aside and just be his friend right now. Can't I?

I pull up a new text message (having deleted our text thread, obvi) and stare at his name.

I feel defeated. I'm using this -latching onto this -as an excuse to reach out to him, when the truth is I don't even know what I would say. It's not like anything I'd say would matter to him anyway. I slammed the door in is face last night.

Brooks is MIA

Trix's declaration haunts me.

I can only imagine the sheer chaos that has descended upon Brooks, that's become of his life. If he was a powder keg last month, he's surely the whole fucking armory now.

Who knows where he's run off to after leaving Seattle last night?

Assuming he did leave last night.

Fifteen minutes later, I backspace most of his name and start typing out his brother's. Brody is safe to reach out to.

B, I just heard about your dad and I am so sorry about it. Are you OK? Is everything OK?

I wonder if by everything Brody will know I mean his brother. Right when I'm about to hit send, Trix calls.

A selfie we took on the MS fills the screen, turning it neon with our mini bikinis.

"Hello?" I answer.

"Oh thank god!" Trix's relief seeps through the phone. "Hope I didn't wake you, babe, but just had to call. Enough with the texting-"

I listen to Trix recount everything she already told me via text. I wait patiently, hoping to devour even a tiny morsel of new information, silently praying that Trix will mention anything about Brooks's Seattle adventure.

"So, who knows now. Can't expect him to be at the wedding if he won't even answer anyone's calls!" Trix finishes with a huff.

"No, right. I mean, who knows with him." I agree.

"You haven't -I hate to ask," Trix curses herself. "You haven't heard from him at all, right?"

"I -I mean," I grapple with words.

"Travis has talked to Brody -since Brody told him. He's worried about Brooks. Now he's just gone and-" Trix starts talking over me again.

Trix stops, exhaling dramatically. My heart constricts in my chest. I picture Trix, on the opposite coast, sipping coffee on the porch at Back Bay, and fretting over the missing member of her bridal party. Of course, I know it's nothing to actually do with said bridal party.

Trix is worried about Brooks, worried in the same manner that Travis and Nate and Alex probably are.

"Shit, babe. I'm sorry I'm word-vomiting on you. I don't even know if you care, and trust me, none of us can say anything if you don't. It's just-"

"I do," I speak quietly into the phone. My bun acting as a buffer between me and the headboard. "Course I do."

"Course," Trix agrees. "I -We just have no clue what Brooks is gonna do, ya know?"

I swallow down the raw guilt of last night. It's not a new flavor.

"I'll talk to Brody, see if I can find anything out. I was just about to reach out to him anyway when you called," I tell Trix.

"Yes, oh my god, thank you. Please. Travis has been trying all morning. Let us know ASAP!" Trix exclaims.

"OK, I will. Yes, I promise," I talk over her. "Yes, love you too, bye."

Trix's call goes dead, and my phone reverts to the unsent text to Brody. I decide it sounds lame, but I'm not sure what would be better under the circumstances.

I hit send before there's any time to change my mind.