Gorgeous✨

Don't Blame Me

Don't blame me, love made me crazy
If it doesn't, you ain't doin' it right
Lord, save me, my drug is my baby
I'll be usin' for the rest of my life🎶

Louis, Louis, Louis- that was all that Eleanor's mind could think of and her heart could feel. She wasn't the only one to blame though, he played his part. He reminded her of how special she was at every step- hard to expect for her to not fall for him. 

Yes, she was in love, deep. He didn't know though. Eleanor wanted Louis to say it before she did because a part of her was still anxious like a teenager around him. But it drove her crazy, he drove her crazy and she loved it. She loved the jitters of her heart every time she bit her tongue to stop those three words from slipping out of her mouth. Eleanor knew she was putting too much emphasis on him and how he made her feel, but she didn't care, she thought it was making her a better person. 

I've been breakin' hearts a long time
And toyin' with them older guys
Just playthings for me to use
Something happened for the first time
In the darkest little paradise
Shakin', pacin', I just need you🎶

"Babe, I've got no idea if it should be blue or..." Louis stopped mid-sentence, holding the two shirts in his hand, trying to figure out what his girlfriend was looking at. "El?" he tried to get her attention. "Eleanor?" he slightly nudged her. 

"Yeah?" she came out of her thoughts. "I'm sorry I was just.. lost," she shrugged.

"You okay?" he held her shoulders. "What were you looking at?"

Eleanor looked back at that direction. "You see that guy in the green jacket?" she asked Louis. He nodded in confusion and looked back at her. She watched that guy, in the kids section of the opposite shop, trying to get a young boy of around six years old to be interested in shopping. 

"What's the point?"

"He was my first boyfriend in America," she looked back at Louis. He blinked rapidly and took a good look at the man again. 

"El," he held her by her shoulders again. "I'm sorry but you sure?"

"What's that supposed to mean!?"

"Look at him!" Louis knocked some sense into her. "He looks way older with a family and stuff," he said, pointing at the man who was now joined by a woman dragging a pram with a baby girl in it. 

"I know he's older!" she hissed. "I'm just shocked he got married and has a family," she stared at the platinum bands on both of their ring fingers and furrowed her eyebrows. 

"Does that bother you?"

"What?" she turned to him. "No. No!" 

"Then why have you been so invested in it for so long?" he said, a tinge of jealousy in his voice.

"I just..." she wanted to think fast but failed. "I.. I just was a little... a little surprised! I haven't seen this man in nine years alright?"

"Doesn't matter," he huffed and walked away. 

"Louis!" she called after him. "Oh God," she sighed. 

Louis walked out of the shop as she followed. "Lou stop." She caught on and he actually did stop. "Can we please just talk?" 

"Kay," he nodded, still a little rigid. 

As they sat opposite each other in the cafe, Eleanor made up her mind as to what to say to him. "That man, his name's Jordan. When I first moved to America for college, I met him. I was done with my first semester and went out with a few friends, Gigi was there too. She was my roommate during those days, that's how we became friends. So when I was at this club with my friends, I met Jordan. I was a young eighteen year old, adventurous and reckless. I knew what I was doing, I wanted to be with Jordan knowing he's a twenty-six year old grown man."

Eleanor looked up at Louis. He was listening to her intently, she liked his attention but she would also love to hear him say something. She knew he wouldn't so she went on. "Of course, it didn't work. It was a few months when we realised that we're too different. Jordan was a distraction to me from a lot of things. But I started enjoying the idea. For a long time, I dated older men, six to even ten years older because I knew these wouldn't work and I would have an excuse to walk out of the relationship. By doing this for a while, I entered an age when I realised that this was just bullshit. I was around twenty-six when I understood that I needed some simplicity in relationships. I started dating Harry, he was the kind of guy you end up with. It was so perfect, so dreamy. He was honestly a catch," Eleanor stopped, noticing Louis wasn't appreciating her praising her ex that she left for him so much. 

"You regret leaving him?"

"Harry?" she sighed. "Nope. I don't regret getting out of any relationship till now. I was happy with Harry, but I wasn't content. Everything changed for me that night Louis. For some unreal reason, you pulled me towards you. I left the picture-perfect man on the hopes of a relationship that might never happen. All that rush and excitement the reckless eighteen year old me felt came back, but it was different, it was new because this time, I did not want a way out of it. I wanted us to be us."

Louis looked at Eleanor carefully, interpreting her vulnerability then and her embracing it now. He saw her gulping heavily, fidgeting with her feet. He understood that she wanted to hear him out, hear his thoughts and he knew that was the least he could do for the woman who had poured her heart out to him. 

"So you're saying that-"

"That I'm crazy for you?" she cut him off. "Yes."

For you, I would cross the line
I would waste my time
I would lose my mind
They say she's gone too far this time

Don't blame me, love made me crazy
If it doesn't, you ain't doin' it right
Lord, save me, my drug is my baby
I'd be usin' for the rest of my life
Don't blame me, love made me crazy
If it doesn't, you ain't doin' it right
Oh, Lord, save me, my drug is my baby
I'd be usin' for the rest of my life🎶

Louis had no idea what to say further. But Eleanor wasn't scared anymore. "Louis," she exhaled, "we've been dating for four months and you make my heart do backflips by doing all the simplest things ever. You make me loose my mind. You make me want to forget everything and be with you all the time. I know you must be thinking I've gone way ahead of what it should've been, but I don't care."

"I don't think you've gone way ahead, I think it's perfect-"

"I love you, Louis."

There it was. She said it. Completely taking him by surprise. Louis opened his mouth but no words came out, he was completely dumbfounded. "Yes Lou, I'm in love with you. Still think it's perfect?"

"El.. I- I-"

"I knew it," she chuckled airily. "I fucking knew it." Eleanor got up. "Don't follow me this time," she said, without turning to face him as she walked off. 

It all happened before he could even make up his mind. But Louis knew better than that. He cursed himself for thinking so much. He was crazier for her than she was for him. She asked him not to follow but listening to her at that moment would be giving up. He wasn't ready to give up on her. Also, Louis was never known for doing what he was told to do. He fucking loved her!

Probably another chapter and then maybe another song for an epilogue😉😏

All my love... <3