The Marrying Man

Chapter 29

"You want me to love you? That seems like a small price to pay," I said with a smirk.

"I'm not joking Thomas. If loving someone is jumping off a cliff and trusting them to catch you, then I'm ready to jump. I'm there," she said, her lips beginning to tremble as though she were about to burst into tears. "Don't let me jump alone."

I scooted closer to her on the couch, then grabbed her, pulling her onto my lap and wrapping my arms around her, pulling her head into my chest. "Avery, no matter what happens, I will be there to catch you. I'm sorry if I seemed like I wasn't taking that seriously, you didn't deserve that. Your heart will always be safe with me." I paused for a moment, to take a deep breath. "You don't know how bad I want to jump with you. I truly do. I've been terrified for so long to have my heart broken again, that I just never give it the chance to experience the love. But I wasn't kidding about crying myself to sleep for a year if I lost you, not even a little."

"So, what does that mean?" she wondered in a whisper.

"Maybe it means I'm falling for you, maybe it means I'm almost there. I'd be devastated if I woke up one morning to find you weren't a part of my life anymore. You've stuck by me in the hospital, you've saved me, you've made my life brighter in every way imaginable. I had thoughts about trying to date when this marriage ended, but I can't see how I could if it did. I'm not going to find anyone better than you, that person doesn't exist. You're fucking perfect for me, and I can't wait to tell you exactly what you want to hear. I know I'm almost there, I just need a quick kick in the ass."

"But you're still ready to make this work, ready to have a real marriage and start a family?" she asked, confused.

"I know, I'm an idiot. I'm ready for all that because I know I'm there, even if I can't admit it. I know what I want, and that is you as a part of my life forever," I tried to explain.

"Kind of like when you put the 'my' in front of cupcake queen?" she asked with a smirk.

I laughed at the memory, but she was right. I was making decisions based on the fact that I loved this woman, even if I couldn't bring myself to say it. In my heart, I knew I did. Why the fuck was it so hard to admit it? "Yeah, just like that."

"I guess I can live with that for now," she decided with a little pout. But I knew it bothered her still.

I felt the pain in my heart, and I knew this wasn't what she wanted, nor what she deserved. "Avery, what would change between us if I just said it? I know I'm a coward, maybe saying it makes it too real to me, but every action I take towards you is based on my feelings, whether I say it or not. So, trust in me and what I do, even if my stupid tongue can't say what you want just yet."

She brightened up after that, smiling up at me. "I know you feel it. I know what you're feeling, I feel it too. I'm being silly, asking you to say something I haven't even said myself. I guess I'm trying not to push you by just blurting it out, but damn do I want to. And we can always find other uses for that tongue than talking if you like." She twisted until she was straddling me in my lap, pressing her hips into mine as she wound her hands into my hair and pulling me down into a kiss.

"I like! Very much! But let me take a shower first, I think I need one since I could have traces of Gary's blood on me from the pool and that doesn't sound appealing." I grimaced at the thought, I didn't want to deal with him any more at all.

"Ewww, yeah. I might need one too after that thought. Go take yours and I'll meet you in bed!" she rapidly agreed, shivering as she cringed.

"You could just join me." I pointed out with a raised eyebrow.

"Last time we did that we ran out of hot water!" she laughed. "I want this to be nice and slow in bed. And I don't want it to end till we need a break for dinner." She added with a whisper in my ear that made me shiver in anticipation.