fourteen

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"good morning, my love.." the younger was already sitting up in their bed, on his phone, waiting for ashton to wake up.

the elder's stomach growled deeply which made him grunt. "morning," he muttered, sitting up and placing a kiss on the other's cheek.

"hungry?" luke laughed, eyeing ashton now. something was different but he couldn't tell nor did he care that much.

"no, i'm so achy, my body's so sore," ashton whined, "i don't think i can get up from this spot."

"i can cook for us, if you'd like," the blonde offered. his icy blue eyes lingered on his boyfriend's arms now and he blinked a few times to talk himself out of what he was thinking.

"i'm not sure i feel too well, but you can cook for yourself," the golden haired boy smiled sweetly, his tired eyes looking into luke's bright ones.

the younger nodded falsely, but instead of getting up, he laid back down and pulled the covers over him, turning away from his lover.

"lu.?" ashton moved closer to luke and wrapped his arms loosely around him.

"i don't want to eat alone."

"why's that? you have before."

luke turned his head to ashton, flashing his eyes at him before shaking his head, "i think todays gonna be hard for me. i'm scared." he was paranoid.

"baby, you've been doing so well, you've got this," he whispered, rubbing his broad, squishy back. his hands quickly moved away from the other's body when he sensed that luke was uncomfortable.

"do you think i've let myself go?" why was ashton acting like this?

"you've let yourself grow and flourish both mentally and physically."

"so i have," luke growled, clearly upset with himself.

"luke," the golden boy warned, "stop acting like being heavier is a bad thing." hypocrite.

"i'm afraid though, i'm afraid."

"what are you afraid of, lu?"

"you not liking me because i'm fucking fat," he whispered as his eyes glazed over with tears.

a pang of disappointment struck ashton in the heart. it hurt him to see his lover having a bad day like this but it hurt even more when he knew he weighed more than his boyfriend when statistically it should be the other way around.

he wouldn't care at all but luke was complaining about feeling fat when he weighed less than him so you can probably get why he was upset.

ashton sat up and pulled his legs into his chest, hugging them tightly and sighing, "luke. you're not fat. i weigh more than you. and even if you were fat, i wouldn't care. fat is not a synonym for ugly. you're beautiful and even if you weren't i'd still love you unconditionally, always and forever." the dirty blonde man stared straight ahead at their dresser the whole time, not wanting to meet his lover's eyes whatsoever.

"people are going to make fun of me," luke whined, on the edge of breaking down in tears.

"people make fun of anyone and everyone they can, it starts to mean nothing, luke. there's always gonna be people like that. everybody likes you anyway, it's gonna be okay. now i want you to go down to the kitchen and cook a wonderful breakfast for yourself and enjoy it. your body requires energy from food, listen to your body not your eating disorder." hypocrite.

"i'm so sorry. i wish i wasn't so sensitive about this, i'm a man i shouldn't even be worried about my weight this much, it's dumb," the light blonde shook his head at himself, getting out of bed.

"women are not the only ones with eating disorders, luke. absolutely anyone can have one."

luke nodded, walking around to ashton's side of the bed and looked down. "i suppose this is fine. we can pretend i'm pregnant or something. post maternity photos to instagram," the boy giggled solemnly, holding his stomach.

"luke," ashton warned, standing up and wrapping his arms around his boyfriend, "that is normal, you're being ridiculous." he wasn't trying to give him a hard time at all, in fact he was trying to be nicer about it saying as though he hadn't had a healthy relationship with food or his body in a long time but this was already getting out of hand.

"you're being just like josh! get away from me," the blonde boy slapped ash's hands away and wrapped his arms around himself, glancing around the room for a shirt to cover up with.

the golden boy frowned at that and was quick to protest, "that's absolutely not true! i'm looking out for you, i don't want you to end up in hospital again. having a little stomach fat is absolutely normal and good for you. now go make yourself food and fucking enjoy it!" by the end of his little rant he was borderline screaming and his face had turned completely red out of pure anger—with himself AND with luke.

"eat with me."

~~~

he was mad at himself for yelling at luke. it made luke cry hysterically so ashton had to cook their breakfast. he made four pancakes, giving three to luke and one to himself and it made the blonde cry even louder, saying things like 'you're just like josh, i'm gonna get fat' or 'you're hurting me.' it all hurt ashton's heart immensely, that wasn't his intention at all, he was just dealing with his own issue at the moment.

despite being upset about his serving, the blonde man devoured his breakfast because he had been starving. it clearly lifted his mood and energy because after he was done, he was right back to talking to his lover in the most in-love way you'd ever see.

"i'm sorry i was so cranky, i was hangry," he giggled, putting a hand on ashton's only free hand as he watched him eat.

"you're fine," ashton said quietly as he noticed that luke was watching him. his hand was shakily carrying his breakfast to his lips but he looked absolutely anxious as all hell.

"are you weak? why is your hand shaking so much?"

"i think i've caught a cold, my a-arms are sore and shaky," he nodded as if he was agreeing with himself.

luke nodded as well but felt himself getting worried about his boyfriend.

~~~

ashton spent the rest of his morning in the bathroom 'sick.' his throat was totally destroyed from throwing up a total of four times. dark red lines also lined the inner side of his right thigh—he properly cleaned them all to be safe which kind of contradicted itself in a way.

vote + comment <333, unedited

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