The Queen Of Winter Book One

Yesterday's Feelings

"Concentrate kötrr!" Loki barked at Anna as she completely missed her target again with her golden ball of energy.

"I am concentrating!" Anna replied through gritted teeth.She had been in the training room with Loki for a few hours now. She was sweaty and exhausted. Loki had been pushing her harder than normal the past few days. Truth be told he was using these training session to take out his frustrations on her. Despite his best efforts there had been nothing he could do to convince Anna to return to Asgard with him. He was sure his mother would be able to help Anna. He couldn't understand why she was content not knowing who she really was. Anna's answer was always the same. She didn't need to know about her birth family. She had a new family now and that was more than she could have ever hoped for. She had tried to explain to Loki over and over that family wasn't defined by blood. What defined family was being there for one another no matter what. Unconditional love.

"You would not have missed ever single target if you were, my darling." Loki tried to soften his tone. He knew he was pushing her even harder today.

"Let's take a break from magic. Shall we try some combat instead?" Anna suggested.

"As you wish kötrr." Loki sighed

Anna took her hoodie off to get ready for the next bout of training. As she lifted her arms over her head her T-shirt underneath rode up revealing a few scars of different shapes and sizes along her sides and stomach. Loki looked in horror. He desperately wanted to kiss each individual scar and make them disappear. Anna saw how Loki looked at her. She hated being looked at with pity. Embarrassed, she tugged at her T-shirt pulling it down and averted Loki's gaze. She cleared her throat " right...shall we?"

"Annabelle" Loki started to speak as he reached out his hand to touch her stomach.

"Don't...please" Anna stepped back. There was so much hurt in her eyes.

"What happened to you" Loki unintentionally spoke his thoughts.

"It's not a big deal. It's in the past. Can we just forget about it okay? Right so where were we? Daggers training?" Anna desperately tried to change the subject. She didn't want Loki to know about her past. She didn't want the way he looked at her to change. She adored him and their friendship. She couldn't bear to lose any of that.

"It's not good for you to keep things bottled up darling. Please let me in. Tell me." Loki's tone was soothing and comforting. Anna felt as though she could just melt into him but no she couldn't. She didn't want to discuss this. Not yet anyway.

"And I suppose you're the authority on how to talk about your feelings?" Anna retorted defensively.

"I never was one for talking, my love"

My love? Anna was momentarily stunned by his words. Loki couldn't control his curiosity any longer. Anna was being completely impossible in his view. If Anna wasn't going to tell him he'd find out for himself. Taking Anna by surprise he took a step towards her and placed his hands on either side of her head and closed his eyes.

Anna's life flashed before Loki in his mind. He saw a small chestnut haired girl laughing and squealing with joy being spun around by her father. He saw strange horses and an old hag. He saw Anna in the 99th precinct. He saw all her foster families and their harsh treatment. He saw her struggle with her powers and fitting in. He saw the family she had told everyone about. He could feel her happiness but it was tainted by the nightmares she had. He saw the old hag again. He heard Anna and her foster father humming a familiar tune as he taught her how to play it on the guitar. He saw them in a strange land with rolling mountains and a large lake. The giant horses again and the hag. He felt her heart ache at her foster family's sudden death. He saw her final foster family and the physical abuse she suffered. He saw her running away and the hardships she faced alone. He felt her loneliness and her desperation. Still the nightmares haunted her. He saw how she ended up at Hydra. He saw the torture and abuse she suffered there. He saw Rumlow. He saw the heinous things he did. He saw the abuse and the rape. Then there was the Avengers. He felt her relief of being saved. He felt her hope. He saw himself through her eyes. He saw all her happy memories of their late night chats, the pranks they played on each other. The spider in the jar. He felt how she would get butterflies every time they touched. He felt the love and trust she had for him. Loki knew then he had made a huge mistake. Tears were streaming down Anna's face as he let go of her mind. She opened her eyes. They were wide and glassy with shock and tears.

"What did you do?" Anna whispered

"I....I...I am so sorry my love..."

Trying to fight back her tears and shove all the horrible memories back into their box in her mind, Anna gritted her teeth and asked "What did you see?"

Loki couldn't look Anna in the eye. It was exactly as she feared. "Everything" Loki whispered.

Anna turned on her heels and tried to leave. Loki grabbed her arm and tried to make her stay. He wanted to wrap her in his arms and make everything alright.

"Let go of me!" Anna shouted as she tried to push Loki off of her arm. He let go immediately. As Anna started to run from the room Loki chased after her. She was in the elevator and on her way upstairs before Loki could get to her.

Tony, Nat, Steve, Thor and Bucky were all in the living room when Loki appeared out of nowhere giving them all a fright. They were still not used to him teleporting and just hoping up out of the blue.

The elevator dinged and Anna stormed out. She was nearly blinded by her tears.

"Kötrr, please I'm sorry" Loki stood in front of Anna tried to make Anna listen to him, He truly regretted his actions.

"Leave me alone Loki!" Anna half shouted half sobbed.

The team looked on in stunned silence. No one wanted to make a move or say anything. They tried so hard not to be noticed until either Anna or Loki would address them.

"Please, I'm just trying to help-" Loki began.

"How? How was that helping? I told you to just leave it but you couldn't could you? Why does it even matter to you? It's not like you care...you're only nice to me so you can win your precious freedom. This was just for your own selfish knowledge! I'm just a game to you. A means to an end" Anna pushed Loki out of her way. "Leave me alone!" She shouted as she crossed the room and left through the doors that lead to her room.

Loki stood is disbelief in the living room. Trying to process what had just happened. Anna's words had stung. He might not have wanted to admit it before but he cared deeply for her. He hadn't ever felt this way about a woman before. He loved her. He would have remained a prisoner for all eternity if it meant he got to spend it with her.

"Brother, tell me you didn't do the stupid thing I think you have." Thor's voice filled the room. Loki didn't need to say anything in reply. Thor could tell by the look on his face. "Oh brother, why would you do that?"

"I needed to know, I thought I could help her. I was wrong." Loki sounded defeated.

"Care to share with the group point beak because I'm about a second away from taking out your brother here. What the hell is going on?" Tony was gearing up for a fight with Loki. He had warned him about hurting Anna.

"I...I looked into her mind...looked at her memories." Loki explained.

"You did what?" Steve exclaimed.

"I made a mistake, I intend to rectify said mistake."

"I don't think this is something a simple sorry will fix. You messed up. Big time." Bucky emphasised.

Loki simply nodded and left the room. He made his way down the hallway to Anna's door. He could hear her sobbing into her pillow. He knocked gently. "Go away!" He heard Anna shout. Loki felt the presence of someone behind him. He was shocked to see Nat.

"She'll come around. Just give her a little time." Nat gave him a reassuring smile. "You've done a really, really stupid thing Loki but I think you did it for the right reasons. You care about her right?" Loki nodded and sighed. "she knows that." Nat reassured Loki. "Thank you window" Loki was grateful for her kind words. He had taken a liking to Nat. He appreciated the way she had taken Anna under her wing and looked out for her. Nat returned to the living room and Loki entered his room across the hall from Anna. He would be there for her if she decided she wanted him to be. He lay on his bed humming the tune he had heard in Anna's mind. The tune was so familiar to him although he couldn't think of the words to accompany the tune.