The Plan

(26) Adira Love Look At Me Ok

TW: Panic Attack

-POV: ADIRA-

I'm currently sat at the table in my common room revising for NEWTS. I've been quite busy so far this year with head girl duties etc. so I haven't been revising as much as I usually do.

I'm testing myself on my flash cards for potions and I keep getting them wrong. 'For Gods sake why do I have to be so stupid!' I slam my hand on the table.

That's when it starts to happen. God not this again. My ears start to ring, my hands feel the need to grab, tear, hit something, anything, so I ball them into tight fists, knuckles going white. My heart rate starts to pick up along with my breathing and I feel a bit dizzy. I try shaking my hands out, slowly breathing in and out, counting down from ten, doesn't work, thinking of funny things to distract me, doesn't work, putting my head into my shaking hands and slowly breathing in and out again, but once doesn't work, nothing works. My ears are ringing louder, my heart feels like it's beating even faster and it all causes me to panic even more.

✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰

-POV: JAMES-

I walk into the common room after a good quidditch practice. The strategies Adira and I came up with are working and I can't wait to tell her. Ahhh Adira, the girl I love.

When I walk up to the table I see her shaking, head in her hands, she seems to be talking to her self, but her words come out as a whisper, like she's struggling to breathe.

I rush over to her and kneel down in front of her. 'Adira, Adira, it's just me, James.'

She looks up and I see tears streaming down her face, I take a hold of her hands. 'Hey Adira love, look at me ok, copy my breathing ok.'

I breathe in and out slowly, taking deep breaths in and out, Adira copies and I see her calming down a bit. 'Adira you keep doing that ok', she nods.
'Hey remember the time I tried to prank you in third year - I heard about this muggle prank where you put a bucket filled with something on the door and the next person who comes through has it fall on their head. Well I remember filling yours with pumpkin juice, but when you came through the door it didn't fall on you, so I walked back to see what went wrong and you used your wand to have it fall on me. You were always too smart for me, still are. I couldn't get that stuff out my hair for weeks and Madam Pomfrey refused to help as punishment.'

She laughs softly clearly getting her breath back but still shaking, 'Hey Adira love just keep talking deep breaths ok, you're going to be absolutely fine.'
I drag up a chair so I can sit in front of her, holding her hands once again.

Eventually, after a few more stories and deep breaths, she calms down, 'Ummm t-thank for that James - '

I shake my head and speak softly, 'There is no reason to thank me.'

'Could you, ummmm, could you not tell anyone what happened please.'

I nod my head, 'Ok but I think you should tell someone.'

'Don't worry I will.'

'Do you get them often, panic attacks?'

'Ummm mainly when I'm stressed about school, like right now when I was revising and couldn't remember anything. It just makes me feel so stupid and I get annoyed with myself and start to panic thinking what if I can never remember this and I fail, and then I get annoyed with my self for letting it lead to a panic attack.'

'Adira' I say, wiping a tear off her cheek with my thumb, 'You cannot help your stress ok, and you are anything but stupid, you are hands down the smartest girl I know, and I know a lot of girls.'

She laugh, a proper one, and it's such a relief, 'You sure do, and thank you James, for everything.'

I shake my head, 'Hey I said there is nothing to thank me for, now come on it's dinner and you need something to eat.'

She nods and stands up with me, leaving the common room.

✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰

-POV: ADIRA-

As we're walking to dinner I can't help but stare at him. James Sirius Potter the boy I'm supposed to hate. They boy who just got me through my first panic attack in a while. He just seemed to know how to calm me down. He just gets me, he always has I guess - he's always know how to get me riled up, when to leave me alone on the days he knows I won't be able to take his pestering, he even knows when he pushes it too far and needs to apologise.

I have been so wrong about him, so completely and utterly wrong.

He turns to look at me and gives me that soft smile again and my chest feels funny.

God that smile is blinding and makes you want to turn away and never stop looking at the same time. His eyes are soft and filled with nothing but care. I just want him to look at me that way forever, I want him to always be there for me when things get too much and I for him. I want to read to him whenever he wants and run my hand through his hair while his head rests in my lap. I want to help him figure out quidditch strategies late into the night, and stop pretending that I hate it, stop pretending that it isn't the highlight of my week. I want James Sirius Potter to be mine. Because.....

Because I, Adira Rose, am completely and utterly in love with James Sirius Potter. I think I always have.

Seb was wrong, I didn't start liking James that day in third year when I twisted my ankle, that was the day he realised it. I have liked James since that very first potions lesson in first year, that's why I was so excited to be there, not because of the potion, well partly because of that, but mainly because I got to sit next to a cute boy, with messy hair and pink cheeks, eyes full of kindness, with a glint of mischief and robes that were slightly too big. He looked perfect, he still does.

I don't care that he's the son of one of the most famous wizards of our time, he could be absolutely nobody but he'd still mean everything to me. My James Sirius Potter.

'Will you be alright?' James asks bringing me out of my thoughts, eyes filed with concern. Adorable.

'Hmmm?'

'Will you be alright Adira?'

'Oh ummm yeah my friends are just over there, but thank you James.'

'Hey no saying thank you.' He takes my hand again and squeezes it, sending sparks up my arm, 'I will always be there for you Adira.'

I nod and squeeze back, 'Ok James.'

AN: hey people! So basically I based Adira's panic attacks solely off my own experience with them (which I also get when I revise and it gets too much), so please do not judge the way I have written hers as we need to remember that everyone experiences panic attacks in different way, there is no set way to have one, so please be mindful of that. Also, Adira and James have now realised they love each other, final *insert eye roll here*.

Enjoy, Bee :)