Antumbra - A Lost Cause

Full to Burst - Chapter Twenty Six

Arva was quiet as she stocked the back room, not that she had anyone to talk to, but her usual cheerful humming and errant narration of her actions were absent, leaving an unusual silence. She was too focused on the ultimatum given to her by Marcus. At least that's what it felt like to her. The events of judgement day kept repeating in her head, no matter how much she tried to drown them out. It didn't help that even in the city the effects of the incident were felt. People were scared, businesses were closed, there was animosity in the streets. Arva had wisely purchased a hoodie a few days ago, and used it to conceal herself in the twilight of the city. It made going to and from work easier, despite how utterly degrading it felt, but people talked in the Lows, and even Hybrids who had stable jobs were being treated with fear and mistrust. All while still Arva could say nothing, do nothing, as even the truth would likely cause more damage. She'd considered breaking her silence, telling anyone and everyone who'd listen to her that the divines weren't divine at all, but men waging war. A war over what, she couldn't say, and if anyone did believe her it wouldn't change things for the better. So Arva kept going, trying to act like nothing happened. Deborah had been kind at least, taking pity on her no doubt. It was so nice to have a human friend, someone normal who treated her like she was normal, even at the risk of bringing trouble to her store. When Deborah first saw Arva after the incident, battered and bruised, she assumed correctly that Arva was there when it happened. What Arva couldn't admit was the worst injuries came from before, on her way home from work. As far as Deborah knew the vicious attacks both physical and vocal against Hybrids was something new, spurred on by the incident. Arva thought it best she continued believing as much, as Deborah already considered whether it would be safer for Arva if she took some time off. Arva needed the money, however, and she needed to get out and fall into a routine. Cowering in her home would get her nowhere, and she hated being alone with her thoughts.

Perhaps that's why, despite the absurdity of it, Arva was leaning towards accepting Marcus' offer. There was no place for her in the city, and she couldn't make a difference in her current position. As much as it scared her, she tried thinking logically about Antumbra. With that kind of strength, she could fight, keep people safe. It sounded ludicrous, like a movie, but it was a possibility. When Arva passed the remains of the cenotaph each morning, and saw the path of destruction stop just short of the church, and her neighbourhood, she considered what could have been if she hadn't intervened. Fear and worry were leaving her, emotions stepping aside, now she was just thinking. Thinking about what-ifs and hows, and what to do going forward. What stopped her was the unknowns, most glaringly who was this enemy. She couldn't fight something she didn't know, or else she could repeat what happened and kill someone she didn't mean to. That guilt still dragged her down, but she was doing her best to move on now that a new danger was lingering. Worse still, she and everyone on the ground had been unwitting victims of this war's effects for decades if not longer, if Marcus was to be believed. Umbras were collateral damage from battles between people, not acts of God. Arva couldn't do anything about God, but she could do something about people.

The other major concern was Gramma. She was old, getting weaker, and yesterday Arva watched her struggle to speak when she was normally so eloquent. It was normal, after all Mr. Baker got by just fine, but Gramma was more feeble, and would need even more help which Hannah couldn't be expected to deal with. Going to war would take her away from them, and everything Arva did was for them. She wished she had someone to talk to, to ask, but she didn't, and that's what stalled her. How could she possibly decide something like this for herself?

"You doin' alright, hon?" Deborah's voice snapped Arva out of her stupor, "you're awfully quiet today."

"Sorry," she said, trying to come across as , "I've just been thinking about stuff."

"There's been a lot to think about," Deborah sat down at the back table. Arva noticed she held a paper bag and patted the other seat for her to join, which Arva did, "let's have some lunch."

"Thanks," Arva took the seat and accepted the wrapped sandwich she was handed. It looked delicious, and Arva was still somewhat unused to these displays of kindness.

"What's on your mind?" Deborah asked as she took a bite.

"I have a friend..." Arva began, "a human friend, that is, who wants to join the military. Well, she's been asked to by another friend." Arva remembered how Hybrids weren't allowed to enlist under normal circumstances.

"That's interesting," Deborah said, "is she from a military family?"

"No," said Arva, "but she's been asked because she's..." Arva tried to make up an equivalent qualification, "...a really good pilot, and they need her. Her skills. But she's also the main provider for her family..."

"Like you?" Deborah asked.

"Yeah," Arva said, "that's why we're such good friends. Because I know what it's like, so when she asked me I couldn't answer. If she enlists she'll have to quit her job and there'll be no one to take care of her family."

"Well, honey, the military pays its people," Deborah shrugged, "so that really shouldn't be an issue."

"Wait, they do?" Arva said, surprised, "I... didn't know that. That's good, for her that is. For her to... for her to know that." Arva took a bite of her sandwich, and liked it quite a bit. She wondered if she'd be paid for enlisting, as a Hybrid. Marcus said he would take care of her family, so it'd only be fair that she'd be financially compensated. Then again, nothing about this seemed fair, and as a Hybrid Arva couldn't expect equal treatment.

"So, your friend," Deborah continued, "it's mostly about who'd take care of her family, then?"

"Yeah," Arva said, "if she goes away, there will be no one at home."

"This friend of yours, does she really want to enlist?" Asked Deborah. Arva still wasn't sure of the answer.

"Kind of..." she said after a pause. She crossed her feet nervously, not feeling any closer to an answer.

"I say your friend should take care of herself and her family first," Deborah said plainly, "it may sound selfish, but the world will have to take care of itself. You've only got each other in the end, and in my books that's the priority." Arva nodded, but wasn't entirely convinced, though it made sense. She may be the only one who could use that Argonaut, but she was also the only one who could raise her sister and care for her grandmother, and that was more important to her. Humanity would have to fight its own battles.

"I'll pass that on," Arva gave Deborah a smile, which she reciprocated. The two finished eating with far less dour conversation, and Arva got back to work, her mind much more at ease. As she got back to stocking and taking inventory, she still felt a little guilty, but hearing Deborah say it made sense. Family had to come first, no matter what.