Holding on to the future, Letting go of the past ....

The Wrong Address

You can be the whole package and still end up at the wrong address.

-Anonymous

"Sorry you're not my type", he plainly said, adding you lack ambitions, independency and definitely not the one I am looking to settle down with.

Reading his DMs tear down my heart into two and I was numb for quite some time. Terribly confused. Not knowing what to do next meanwhile unable to understand how critical the situation is and weaved his words in my heart and brain self-doubting my worth and thinking, "Maybe I am not good enough".

To be honest at that particular moment the only thing I was lacking was not the ambitions or independency but surely the self-confidence and the self-efficacy. Poor me who trusted that idiot's each word, allowed him to make me feel inferior and took oneself granted.

Unfortunately I remember the day, 27th June when his proposal knocked on my door. An Architect who loves to bake. I searched for him on Instagram. It took me a while to search him and there he is.
Architect_Aazar_Choudhary.

I stalked him quickly and checked his story and my curious self can't resist to reply. Oops ! I did it.

At first he didn't recognise which was obvious as my profile picture was something different so I introduced myself as 'The Dietitian' and within a minute he replied saying, "Oh The Dietitian". I laughed in approval and we left the chat saying we'll have a word tomorrow.

The next day, I initiated. I know, I know. A girl is never suppose to initiate anything. No matter the world screams, "Ladies first!" It got nothing to do with the reality.

Breaking the myths, I initiated. Why not? Marriage is the need for both and not just the one. I can't be waiting like the Cinderella did and luckily her prince charming knocked on her door searching for her everywhere and I ain't a Cinderella neither he's a prince charming nor I lost my glass shoe on his corridor.

Let the world put any label on me. Shameless. Curious. Who cares anyway.

I initiated with the greeting adding a question further asking, "Are you willing to get married or are you under any family pressure?"

Honestly, I can't marry the person who's unsure about me. What am I going to do with such a confused head? The guy who can't take such crucial decision of his own life will never be able to handle out a blessing. It will always be a forced bliss to him and surely he will never value it.

The following day, in the evening. The notification pops up and he replied saying, "I am looking forward to marry soon."

Later after one or two chats. He started getting flexible and asked out, "What about your previous love affairs?" I choked and replied, "All Girls Education. Never been in love before." I asked the same and he smartly answered, "None." I was sure he was lying but believed him.

I even thought that he's interested in looking forward with me. I got all the good vibes from him but poor me who was oblivious with the mental breakdown that's going to welcome me soon.

One night while we were chatting on Instagram (we only communicated on Instagram) I announced him saying, my father and brother will be coming to meet you and your family on this sunday. At first, he seemed happy and finally he moved playing his mastercard asking, "What are the qualities you are looking in your to-be?"

The elated me answered in a flow and boom he stubbornly replied, "you're not my type". Appalled me. I tried to convince him with my words but he remained stubborn and glad he said, (That time I feel like punching on his face) "You deserve better and left me hanging there crying all night."

I was still living in the denial thinking maybe in the morning he'll come back and everything will be alright again. I even mailed him writing paragraphs and paragraphs but none of my words melted his stubborn heart. I cried all night & thought meanwhile isn't this the best to teach me a lesson and after all, If you love someone you can never leave them in the mid-way. Be it on the road, on the phone call or in the relationship. If ever things go all against odd both of them make sure to fix it together before the sleep. This is my sign to understand he isn't the one for me.

Next morning, I was disheartened. No conversation only replies. I don't know why am I was trying to fix everything all alone thinking I can change his mind and he never tried not even for once. I don't blame him for this. He was right. I fell for him not he and also he was knowing I ain't the one for him and that's one of the reason he never found so he never know the pain of the loss.

I was devastated. He said what he said and it made me shattered. I cried, cried and cried for days. Self-doubted. Thought I ain't enough. Begging myself to sleep in the night and praying harder to my lord to help me come out of this please.

I can't live like this and that's when my elder sister heard me praying and advised me saying, "You can't pour from an empty glass. It has to be filled up either whole or half but empty glass is only to going fill up itself from you. So be glad that you are full and that someone poured out from you and made himself half and you will still remain full because of the kind of energy you own. Be happy and get going. Such people come and go. They should mean nothing to you. Stop seeking someone else's validation instead learn to appreciate yourself and be grateful to your lord for blessing you with the heart that's alive (feel others emotions)."

Later after a couple of weeks, he confessed messaging me he was in love with a girl who moved to Kashmir. He wanted me to reject the proposal saying, "I ain't looking to settle down this soon". I replied, I would have never stopped you in achieving your goals but seems like you got a different plan and glad he left saying, "You deserve better."

At that moment, the each and every word said by him were no less than a myocardial infarction (cardiac arrest) and sooner than too late I accepted it thinking, "I was the whole package but ended up at the wrong address and now I realised he was right".

INDEED ! I DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER .... the one who acknowledge me, love me for who am I and accept me wholeheartedly.