Lose Your Mind-A Dallas Winston Fanfiction

What Becomes Of The Broken Hearted

Hearts are breakable. And I think even after they've healed you're not what you were before.-Cassandra Clare, The City Of Fallen Angels

Weeks passed by and nobody heard a word from Dallas. Part of me wanted to know where he was, but I also knew it wouldn't make a difference. He was gone, it didn't matter where he had taken off too. I didn't have the energy to get up and go to school so most of the time I didn't. For a while there, my grades were pretty lousy. I even stopped dealing. I knew it was giving Mark trouble, but he kept silent about it. 

I tried not to think about Dallas too much, but he was all consuming. It seemed like there was never a thought in my head that wasn't about him. When Mark smoked all I could think about was the way Dallas would do the same, but then throw them away when he was only halfway done. And when cars flew by our house all I could think of was Dallas's reckless driving that almost got us killed. Somehow everything in the whole damn world was connected to him.

Every time I would try to sleep all I would see is him staring at me when he found out I was a dealer and the hurt in his eyes. He didn't let anyone see the real him, but he had let me and I betrayed him in the worst way possible. 

I thought about leaving Tulsa an awful lot. It seemed that everything that had once appealed to me  about the town was gone. The only real reason I stayed was because of Mark and also Soda never would have forgiven me if I would have left. He was worried about me, but I just couldn't talk about it.

It wasn't until a Tuesday afternoon came along that I finally got out of bed and the only reason I did was because Bob and Sodapop were standing in my room. They were two people I never would have suspected to be together.

"I must be dreaming." My throat protested the words, still raw from my lack of speech in those past weeks.

"Well, you ain't." Soda looked at me, "It's time for you to get up."

"Why?"

"Because, we're your friends." Bob pulled at my wrist, "So get the hell up."

Soda gave me a reluctant smile, "It seems that Bob and I can get over our differences to help you out."

"Where are we going?" I asked, reluctantly sitting up.

"Who cares?" Soda gave me a familiar smile, his eyes silently pleading for me to get up. 

The idea of freedom appealed to me and so I dragged myself out of bed, despite everything. I recognized Bob's car outside and climbed into the front seat, squeezing beside Sodapop. Bob revved the engine and floored the gas pedal, nearly sending me flying right out of the car. Soda grabbed my waist and pulled me back down beside him.

"So what have you been up to?" He asked me.

I shrugged and kept quiet. I didn't have a word to say. He must have caught onto my mood because he fell silent too and just kept his arm wrapped around me. Even though I knew he was only halfway doing it to keep me inside the vehicle, it felt all wrong. I didn't want anybody arms around me but Dallas's and he didn't want to hold me.

"Do you know where he is?" I whispered, just loud enough for Soda to hear me over the purr of the engine.

Soda looked at me with concerned plastered on his face, "He got locked up a couple days ago over in Houston."

I had known that Dallas got arrested and thrown in jail more times than I could count, but hearing about it rattled me, "Why haven't you bailed him out?"

"We offered. He said he wanted to stay. Whatever the hell that means."

Somehow the idea of Dallas in jail was more comforting than him being out roaming around looking for trouble. The police would look after him, for the most part.

That was the only question I could bare to ask about him. It hurt all of me to even say his name. The wound of him hadn't even begun to heal and it felt like it never would. It was still raw and painful to the touch.

The sun beat down on us and if it wasn't for the wind from Bob flying down the road, we would have been burning up. I closed my eyes and let the wind blow through my hair as I tried to forget about everything that hurt. We drove for hours and I swore that we were going to run out of gas, but nobody seemed to be worried about it. Eventually though, we did stop and when I finally opened my eyes the sky was glowing with red. I couldn't help but think about how much Ponyboy would have loved the sunset. The sky bathed the house in front of us in a cherry glow and it was then I realized I didn't have a clue where we were. 

"It's a place my parents bought a while back. Don't worry about it." Bob seemed to read my mind.

The house was painted a faded white with red shutters around the multiple windows that were scattered across the front. It was nicer than any house I had been staying at in Tulsa, that was for sure. Soda was staring at the house and I could tell he was more than a little uncomfortable, so I pulled him along by the arm like a lost child. After opening the windows inside to let out the stiff air I plopped myself down on the couch.

"So, any reason you kidnapped me?"

"Just figured you could use some fresh air." Bob smiled.

"Shouldn't you be at school?"

He raised an angled brow at me, "Shouldn't you?"

I took it and almost chuckled, "Fair enough."

He smiled, but eventually the amused look fell off his face, "Are you ever going to come back?"

I sighed, "Yeah. I just can't right now."

Soda sighed, "Stop sayin that."

I tried to speak but he cut me off,  "And you think we can? I know you're hurting Ice, but if you think life isn't tough for the rest of us too then you're kidding yourself. Dallas is long gone and so are you! Not to mention that the soc's won't stop jumping us!" He sent an apologetic look to Bob, "Things are heating up in Tulsa and you don't even realize it!"

His words stung, but I still resisted, "Soda...You don't get it."

"I do get it! I know you lost Dallas, but you don't have to lose the rest of us too. We need you back home."

He looked like he was on the verge of falling apart, and I felt like I was too, "Okay. I'll come back, Soda. I'm sorry for staying away."

 I said it mainly so he would stop staring at me like he was about to start crying. I couldn't stand knowing how bad I was hurting him He looked at me with his warm chocolate eyes and wrapped his arms around me. For the first time in weeks, I felt comforted. Somehow when I was with him things felt like they might be okay. Bob looked amused by our reunion, but not in a cruel way. I knew then that he was an awfully good person, to put his differences with Soda aside and come help me.

"You're a good friend, you know that?" I turned to Bob.

He nodded, "Thank me later."

I hugged him too, because it felt like the only thing I could do. He didn't smell like chlorine and gas like Soda. He smelled like expensive cologne and fresh air. I couldn't tell you which one I liked more.

"So, what are we even doing here?"

They both shrugged, "Just figured you could use the fresh air."

I couldn't tell you how right they were.