An Innocent Spark [Zukka]

Chapter 66: Alone with dark thoughts

There was nothing more terrifying in the world to Sokka than the thought of losing Zuko. They had been together for less than a year, but Sokka did not believe even a lifetime together would be enough for him. The future was so uncertain, so full of danger and risk, but also so full of joy and potential.

Laying in the clinic bed with Zuko who was once more sleeping peacefully was more precious to Sokka than going out on a date at a fancy restaurant. One of the few benefits of having so many close calls with death was how it was a sobering experience.

Sokka was once more reminded it was his family and friends who were most important to him. Despite all the fears he had, as long as they were by his side he had nothing to worry about.

Sokka carefully rolled over and poured himself a glass of water. The cold water was refreshing and soothing on his sore throat. He would never admit it to Zuko, but after they had found him and brought him to the clinic he had cried for hours while the healers went to work.

It had not helped that one of the younger healers had entered the clinic an hour after they had rushed Zuko off and broken the news of Zuko's new ruling to the staff. Sokka had been shocked Zuko had passed a law to legalize same-sex marriage without talking to him first, but what hurt more was the way the staff had talked about it.

There was an obvious disgust in their voices, as if that one decision would ruin the Fire Nation and in turn their lives. When the clinicians had left the lobby and went back into the restricted section it was nauseating. Sokka could not help but wonder if they were going to tell all the other employees in the clinic, and what they might do to Zuko once they found out.

It had been their sworn duty to save all patients and mistreating the Fire Lord of all people would cost them more than their careers. Despite this Sokka couldn't help but worry their anger would cause them to turn against their own leader in his most dire moment.

It was hard to be rational when it seemed like his whole world was falling apart just a day after it had finally gotten put back together. When the nurses refused to tell Sokka any updates on Zuko because he was not officially family it only drove him further into his own mind.

He began to wonder if it would be his fault if Zuko died. If he had never decided to come to the Fire Nation with his sister upon Zuko's request, had never gotten so close to him, had never fallen madly in love with his best friend, if he had never kissed him and made his feeling known, if he had never gone back to the Fire Nation to live with Zuko, had never made all the decisions he had made, would Zuko have gotten hurt?

It was the same dark thought process he had gone through when he chose to run away and break Zuko's heart. It was so easy to think all Zuko's problems were caused by him whether it was true or not. Unlike before, Sokka would not abandon Zuko this time, but all his thoughts made him spend hours that night crying on the floor by the bathroom where no one would find him.

He had felt so weak and alone in the dark hours of the night. It was dehumanizing not being able to be there with Zuko or at least to know what his condition was simply because he couldn't admit they were in love.

There were so many conflicting emotions going through Sokka's head about the news regarding the new marriage law. He was so proud of Zuko for being as brave as he was to pass such a revolutionary law, but at the same time he was now terrified for what the future would hold, more specifically their future. They had agreed they did not care what other people thought about them, but that was easier to say than to truly believe.

Based on the reaction of the staff of one of the most highly regarded clinics in the country he was afraid how the rest of the nation would react. Although he was afraid of backlash over the law, the fear was only minor compared to how scared he was for Zuko's health.

Sokka had never been alone in a situation like that. He had always had his friends or family, but in that moment there was no one, not even Iroh to comfort him or offer him reassurance.

He desperately wanted to have hope, to have faith in the healers, and to stop crying like a kid who had dropped their ice cream. The tears did not stop until he fell into an uncomfortable, restless sleep, plagued by nightmares of losing Zuko. After waking up several times in a cold sweat he took to pacing around the waiting room.

When Iroh finally arrived Sokka couldn't help but rush into his arms and break down once more. Sokka had been through so much in the past years, but at the end of the day he was still an 18 year old guy who had been forced to grow up too quickly. Sometimes he needed someone older than him as a source of comfort when times got hard, and thankfully Iroh was more than welcoming of him.

Sokka finished the cold glass of water and wiped a bit of water off his top lip. He set the cup down on the nightstand and once more looked caringly at the love of his life. His long hair was matted and dirty and a strand had fallen over his eyes. Sokka gently brushed it out of Zuko's face and used the bit of moisture on his finger to make sure it would stay in place.

Sokka got in bed again and snuggled up close to Zuko, wrapping his arms around Zuko's left arm, never wanting to let go again.