I Hate You But I Love You More

Chapter 17

I trail down the stairs in a black pencil skirt and blue shirt. My heels click against the stairs. When I reach the end, I stop. "Dean is waiting. Let's go." I silently make my way out the door. The ride is silent too. I'm a little nervous for my first day of work so that is partly why I'm so quiet. The next is because of Darson. I do not want to hear him speak right now. He'll just aggravate me.

My first hour at work is just one of the employees showing me around. After doing that, she guides me to a cubicle and that's where I spend most of my time going through potential clients for my first interview. I don't know when that'll be but hopefully soon.

I put a few files together, rearrange a few shelves then begin on the list of names. A few hours later I am dialing Dean's number. He answers on the third ring. "Dean, you don't have to pick me up after work. I have something to take care of." He stays silent for a couple seconds before answering.

"Okay." I say my goodbyes then check my phone. James wants me to meet him at this appartment building. Hopefully, I find it. The hours go by and I find myself making my way to said appartment. It isn't hard to find. I'm already knocking on the appartment door. I look around the hall as I wait. James lets me in and I proceed.

A hug closes in on me. A manly hug feels good. Manly hugs feel different. He pulls away to look me in the eyes. His head moves closer to mine. I don't know if to move away or not. This is wrong, isn't it? I mean, like it or not I'm still married. Gosh, I've been wanting James to do this for so long and now I'm questioning it?

Screw it. If Darson can do it then I can.

I pull his head to meet mine. Our lips crash onto each other. His hand goes up to my hair as he pulls me closer. For some reason it's not as I thought it'll be. The guilt.

Our heated kiss ends with me shoving him away. He looks a bit surprised at that. "I need a minute." I tell him before walking into the bathroom.

What the hell is wrong with me? If Darson can do it, I can? That's the most stupid thing I've ever said. Why do I have to get back at Darson? That sounds ridiculous. Horrible excuse for me to even reason out this. Wait. Did I do this to get back at Darson? I face palm before looking at myself in the mirror. I just kissed my long time crush to get back at Darson? Unbelievable.

I take a deep breath before exiting the bathroom. "James, I can't do this." I tell him, truthfully. "I thought I could but I can't." He frowns. "I'm married." His face turns hard as his eyes drop to my left hand. He glares at it.

"Yeah. I know." What? "I've noticed it yesterday in the hallway. A shiny diamond on your hand isn't something that's not going to draw attention." I pass a hand through my hair.

"Yet you kiss me?" I'm trying to get out of this situation. Talking to James will only result into a heated conversation filled with angry words we'll both regret.

"It's not like you complained. You initiated it faster."

"It was in the moment."

"You don't love him! Who even is this guy? I didn't peg you as the marrying a stranger type!" He's starting to shout.

"He's not a stranger! We've been dating-"

"That's BS, Khara! I'm so disappointed in you. Where is the Khara who doesn't let people force her into things? Force her into freaking marriages!" This is why I never told him. He is looking at me with huge disappointment in his eyes.

"Just because you didn't know of my relationship, doesn't mean I didn't have one." For a split second there's hurt on his face. He lowers his voice.

"Again, Khara, that's BS. You've had a crush on me since forever. We have something. There's no way you were dating this guy. We freaking kissed on Bella's birthday for crying out loud." I stare at him. What did he just say?