Code Love

🤍FOUR: The Framed Picture🤍

(I can't remember if I have said her age but Jordan and NICOLE are both 17 at the moment. Jordan is 18 on 2nd September and Nicole is 18 on 4th June)

"Goodnight honey" my mother kisses my forehead as I walk into my bedroom. School tomorrow may just be hell...

I smile when I look back at her. Then I close the door, closing off everyone from my life. That one picture on my bedside table... (at the top)

My family...my biological family. "Hey mama. Hey papa. George ...and Kiev" I whisper slightly in pain. I gently place my hand on the frame. "I'm so sorry...I'm so sorry it's all my fault!" I sob quietly. Falling beside my bed, my knees tucked to my chest.

My tears staining my cheeks, my pain, the memories of what I did kills me. It kills me that I killed them.

There's a sudden knock at the door so I quickly wipe my tears. "Yep?" I answer. "Can I come in?" Jordan states. "Mhm." I state. I sit up on the bed as Jordan enters, he gives me a sympathetic smile then sits beside me. "Everything will be okay. I just heard you crying, I- I just. I just want you to be okay" his small whisper as he speaks, he pushes a strand of my hair behind my ear.

"I just want to sleep" I weep. He looks down at my fidgeting hands and he places a hand on mine to stop me from picking at my cuticles. "The nightmares? I'm sorry. I wish I could do more to stop them" I can't help but feel sorry for him. "No, don't. It's not... I'm okay just go to bed...I'll be okay" I lay back flat staring at the ceiling and I hear him sigh.

"Okay. I'll see you in the morning" he states sighing and standing up. A small smile tugs at his mouth. "Goodnight Nic" then he leaves my room. "Goodnight..." I whisper to myself.

"Goodnight Jordan" Repeatedly, I blink to stay awake, I don't want to think about it. I don't want to be dragged back down into that place. That place of hell. That place where I am the bad guy. Because that's what I am.

I'm a murderer...

As I'm about to drift again, there's a knock at the door. "Come in" I say while yawning. "Hey!" Micheal states. "Hey Micky, you okay?"

He nods and hums. "I wanted a hug and to tell you about today"

Micheal is one of the sweetest people ever. He is so generous. "What's up pal?" I smile, I love hearing about his day, he's so fun and I love to be able to let him know that I'm always here for him.

"Well you know Mrs Green? She told us that she's pregnant! And it's great because she's my favourite teacher and she teaches performing arts so it's sad when she'll have to go on maternity leave" he sighs as he ends his sentence. "Is that good or bad?" As I ask I chuckle.

"It's good she's pregnant but bad when she leaves because she'll not be back for about a year. And I'll be a sophomore then. Like I'm a freshman! And I'm 15 in 2 months! Can you believe it?? I mean it's the first day after the summer holidays and in maths we're already going to be doing a pop quiz!" He grunts making me laugh. "You'll do fine!" Reassurance in the younger children needs to occur because they don't realise that they're worth it.

They're young and they stressing?

That shouldn't happen.

"What about your day?" A cheesy smile paints on his face but then he realises a small part of what happened. "Oh. I'm sorry about your hand..."

"Micky don't stress it. It's fine. Now, go to bed, I don't want you complaining about how little sleep you got because of me" A smile appears on my face synchronised to Mickeys.

He nods and says his 'good nights' then leaves. Peace...

What's that like?

It's silence. But it's comfortable. And eventually the peace is so sweet I drift into a deep sleep.