Between Truths ║Dahkook║K.DH J.JK

moving on

A new year. A new beginning, they said. Unbeknownst to them, it held too much truth for her. It was unfair how the useless words they uttered in a stroke of mindlessness aptly described her life. Her mind protested at her spiralling thought. They might have known about losses and grappling to stay afloat for a new beginning more than she did.

The car rolled gently into the parking area. It was Monday and it was early. Class would not start until an hour and a half later. She drummed her fingers softly against the steering wheel as her eyes scanned for an available lot nearest to her school building.

The quiet stirred disquiet in her. It reminded her of that time she had sent her father to his workplace on an errand. It had been a mere day after the figurative guillotine had fell upon him. Cancer. 'Last stage' they had said. Funnily, it had felt like the blade was on her neck too. It had been a Monday morning like today when she had dropped him off at the carpark.

"Do you want me to follow you up?" She remembered offering. It did not feel right to let him go.

"No. I'll just meet some people; pass some things, collect some and I'll be done. Just wait here," he told her and had not waited for a reply.

He slammed the door, and the car shook behind him. Her eyes had trailed after him. She remembered wanting to run after him, no matter his words, but she knew that her dad would not appreciate the disregard even if he would have appreciated the company. So, she had stayed even if her heart had protested in vengeance.

Then, she remembered how she could not have fought off the dogged restlessness from suffocating her. She had tried and God knew how much she had tried but by the twentieth minute, she had lost the battle. She should not have but she had released the footbrake anyways. And soon she was speeding down the empty road.

There had been no destination. The place had been a stranger to her. She took comfort in their strangeness because while her world was falling apart, it was good to know that people in general never had a place in the world.

The comfort had not lasted long. It was barely five minutes with her self-indulged reprieve when her phone began to ring. She stole a glance at the lighted screen. It was her dad.

Apprehension flooded her. 'She should have listened to him. She should have stayed.'

She fought against the want to let it ring to a stop and instead swiftly picked the call up before she let the thought seize her, "I'm coming," she said quickly before he could utter a word.

"Where are you?" He asked.

"I will be there in 5 minutes...sorry dad."

He mumbled a reply. She had not caught his words. He hung up yet the silence this time barely registered because she let the worries of the moment speak louder in her head. 'U-turn at the next junction. Then, turn right because she had turned left before. Press on it. Speed up. It's already 10 03. Make it back in less than five minutes.'

As she rounded the corner, she let her gaze linger on the digital clock on the dashboard. The numbers blinked disinterestedly. 10 09. She had not made it back in five minutes. That fact unsettled her. She was late. And nothing was going her way. Everything was falling apart, and she did not know where to start fixing.

The sight of her father had quietened the ruckus in her head. 'Had he always been this small?'

She remembered how the thought had barged in uninvited that it shook her. He had only ever been a father, strong and big. He could have fought the entirety of the world single-handedly to protect her. Yet, his jacket was two sizes too big on him. The large backpack he carried on his shoulders seemed to swallow his presence. The sickness was eating him. He stood there unmoving in the vast space of the parking lot; his attention fixed on his mobile device. That man seemed as if he was drowning in the midst of his own existence.