1968

Chapter 23

"We should talk y'know." John said from behind me in George's hallway as I was coming back from excusing myself to the bathroom.

My eyes widened as a pit grew in my stomach.

"About?" I said wincing before turning around with a smile.

He looked almost offended staring at me wordlessly.

"Here?" I hissed defensively with wide eyed scared someone would find us any moment.

"I'm about to go through a divorce, yes 'ere Sadie love." He spoke growing impatient, sarcasm dripping from his words.

"Right John, I don't know that you're in the right mind right now to be talking things over and making decisions," I examined the bags under his eyes closely, seeing he was clearly not getting enough sleep as of lately.

"I've never been more clear on anythin'. All I'm asking for is an honest shot with ye'. To do it right." He spoke seeming irritated as he crossed his arm, the bluntness of what he really wanted to say cutting through the bush I was trying to beat around.

My feelings were all out of whack when I was with John, it felt unstable and most certainly unhealthy for the both of us though there was something I found so magnetic about him.

But Paul, I winced. He had told me he loved me and what was I supposed to do, shack up with his best mate right after? I had incredibly strong feelings for Paul as well so much so that I was debating on telling him that I loved him too, despite the complications I knew it'd come with.

"John I don't know. I-" I began flustered, seeing him take offence to how unsure I was, his ego possibly being bruised.

"Right then." He pursed his lips becoming colder looking far off, breaking off eye contact and unable to let his eyes reach mine again.

I felt a terrible guilt. I don't think John and I could ever have an honest shot, things were far too complicated.

He walked off past me to go back to the room we'd been recording in, leaving me in a haze. If Alex could see me now, he'd scold me and said I should've jumped into his arms and let him whisk me away.

After a few short moments I went back to the washroom and ran cold water over my face to revive myself from the terribly dreadful feeling of impending doom I had in my stomach thinking about what I had just done. I really liked John, why couldn't I allow myself to give in to him?

I soon walked back to the room nervously, apprehensive to see Johns face as I'm sure he was terribly upset.

However, before could fully make it into the room, I heard his voice as he played a tune for the lads, I paused in my tracks just before I made it to the door.

"Sexy Sadie, what have you done, you made a fool of everyone, you made a fool of everyone, sexy Sadie, oh what have you done." John sang acoustically, my stomach churning and a feeling of horror and frustration rising in my chest.

Surely this wasn't an actual song that would go anywhere, just to get out frustration I was sure. They couldn't publish it.

"However big you think you are," it continued and I realized I was frozen in place, unsure if I should run out or strangle John.

It seemed he'd changed his mind quickly enough.

I wasn't sure if the other lads thought John had just used my name for the sake of the song or if they knew the significance, but either way I was mortified.

As the song ended, I appeared in the doorframe unsure of what my next move, catching the attention of all four lads.

"What's wrong Sadie? You look like you've seen a ghost." Ringo said worriedly, seeming to be the only one semi unaware of why I was so pale.

Oh poor sweet Ringo.

"I've just got a really important thing I have to be at for my family, thank you lads for having me." I spoke breathily like I'd been just punched in the stomach unable to make eye contact.

I quickly turned and began to nearly run for the door walking quickly feeling somewhat humiliated to have heard so clearly what John thinks about me.

As I made it to my newly purchased car, I noticed Paul had been following close behind me and held the door open just as I was about to shit it.

I buried my head into the steering wheel defeatedly, not wanting to face Paul.

"Sadie." He spoke softly, waiting patiently for my response.

I looked frustratedly. I felt like I had just been put on blast.

"Was what John was singing, all true?" He asked gently with a nod encouraging a response.

I stayed silent pensively for a moment.

"I wanted to tell you that I loved you, that day, I did." I changed the topic to talk to him about what I really wanted to, breaking away from his gaze.

"But, you didn't because of John?" He wanted me to continue.

I looked back to him with a seriousness, seeing Paul looked muddled with a mix of emotions as he tried to understand what I just threw at him.

"Yeah John, but you're engaged, Paul. And I don't want to come in and ruin anyone's relationships more than what I've already done. I'm having trouble sleeping at night, because I do, y'know, love you." I spoke like a ballon deflating of its air, sitting back in the car seat defeatedly seeing Paul's expression look at me sympathetically.

"I haven't felt the way you make me feel before, y'know. I haven't been this happy in, well years, I think." He looked at me with a small chuckle at the end before fishing for a cigarette from his pocket.

"You can't keep saying things like that and make me go all blushing about, I'm supposed to be telling you off 'ere." I whined thickening my accent goofing off to try and lighten the mood because of how heavy I felt, covering my cheeks to hide their crimson tint.

An amused smile found its way on his lips with a slight chuckle.

"Right." He said as his laughter subsided leaving us looking into his eyes for a lingering moment before he cleared his throat.

"Well, as a complete professional with no other motive, I'd like to see you in the studio to work on more material for an LP day, tomorrow. 9 o'clock sharp."  He spoke poshly making me chuckle.

"I'll believe it when I see it Macca." I reached for my door handle as he moved out of my way, closing my door shut and opening the window.

"Well regardless, I still want you in my life any way I can." He spoke more seriously.

"Agreed McCartney." I smiled.

Little did I know I had just shifted the tables tremendously, and I'd suffer for it too.