THIS IS TERRIBLE!! DO NOT READ I BEG YOU
𝙏𝙝𝙚𝙞𝙧 𝙘𝙝𝙞𝙡𝙙𝙝𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙧𝙢𝙖𝙡 𝙞𝙣 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙬𝙖𝙮 𝙞𝙢𝙖𝙜𝙞𝙣𝙖𝙗𝙡𝙚 𝙚𝙭𝙘𝙚𝙥𝙩 𝙤𝙣𝙚: 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙞𝙧 𝙛𝙖𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙣𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙢 𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙤 𝙙𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙡𝙮 𝙬𝙚𝙖𝙥𝙤𝙣𝙨...
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(n) a heart-breaking feeling that leaves long lasting traces
JOHANNA hated being alone. Along with spiders, the number 23, and caterpillars, loneliness was one of her worst fears. For someone who was so afraid of loneliness, she sure spent most of her time by herself. It wasn't voluntary. For years she spent her days tucked up alone, no real friends, no family. Her first introduction to isolation, she was born into.
Her mother, only seventeen, wasn't fit to be a mother, but who could blame her? She didn't have nine months to bond and grow use to her unborn child. One afternoon she was out in the meadows of her parents farm, collecting fresh flowers for her floral displays for the market the next day, then suddenly, she was giving birth. No symptoms, no warning, she didn't even have a bump.
Johanna didnt remember her mother all that well, despite living with her for the first ten years of her life. She supposed her brain had blocked that period of time out, however she couldn't help but long for the mysterious mother figure she has always wanted. When she arrived at the academy, Grace took up the position. Without Johanna even noticing she relied on Grace for everything. Something she had never had before. Johanna knew how to fend for and how to look out for number one ... herself.
But over the years, as she slowly adjusted into her new life she settled, she no longer felt on edge or the need to always be on the lookout for threats because she felt safe, she felt at home for the first time in her short life. But it didn't last. It never would for Johanna. She wasn't allowed a happy life it seemed. Ben dying. that was the catalyst for the cracks in the academy. Like fractures of shattered glass, one by one, they all fell apart. Johanna could feel them all pulling apart slowly at the seams of the dynamic she had grown use to at the home, but she couldn't fix it. It was too late.
After Ben died, klaus only got worse, and Johanna tried to be there for him, she really did, but she tried too hard and forgot that she needed time to heal from loosing Ben too. She spread herself too thin, from trying to comfort everyone and make sure they were okay — she forgot to look after herself and before she knew it ... she broke. And no one even noticed. Klaus certainly didn't. He was too off his face to even remember the girl who had bottled up her grief to help him. After Ben's funeral, klaus pulled himself away from Johanna, like he didn't want her anymore. He didn't need her.
She didn't blame him, she didn't blame any of them. Johanna knew everyone dealt with their demons and grievances differently and the display at Hargreeves funeral had only proved her right. She, for instance, went catatonic. The girl with too many emotions shut down. Diego, however, got angry. He used his raging temper to put up a front of him being too strong to break. She knew it was all a lie. And klaus just wasn't strong enough to deal with whatever he used to be haunted by so he turned to drinking.
