I'm Still Here

Ch. 22

It happened the next day. My grip on Sera that had felt so secure 24 hours ago, was now fading. I felt like I was being pulled away from Sera and the in-between world and shoved into the real world at the same time. My whole body felt like it was being torn apart in a dozen different directions. I felt like I was going to explode and felt like I was fading at the same time. The harder I tried to hold onto Sera's hand to feel grounded, the looser my hold seemed to get.

Sera looked like she was fading into the most beautiful ethereal shimmer and as much as I tried to reach out to her and pull myself back, tugging on an imaginary rope, I just kept floating away from her.

"Wait! I'm not ready!" I yelled frantically, but I wasn't even sure if she could hear me.

"It's time, Caitlin. You are ready," Sera reassured me.

I fought against the current that seemed to be sweeping me away or rather back to my life. Gritting my teeth I pulled my arms like a swimmer to try to get back to Sera. It worked a little. I was closer at least.

"What if nothing works out? What if I don't remember everything I learned these past few weeks? What if I don't remember you?" I never thought I'd see the day that I was more afraid of going back to my own life than staying in this in-between world, not knowing if I'd live or die.

"Everything will work out in its own way. And," she reached out and put her glowing hand over where my heart would be if I wasn't fading, I'll always be here. And around in general," she waved her hand around.

Feeling a little more at ease, I let myself loosen the death grip I had on the tether to the in-between world. Funny that it's called a death grip when I was literally trying to delay my return to the land of the living.

"Goodbye, Caitlin. Don't forget, I'm always here for you even if I am rolling my eyes at half the things you do," she said with a laugh that started to sound more and more distant with each giggle.

"Bye! I'll never forget you!" I tried to yell, hoping she could still hear me even though I could barely see her anymore. Once I had let go I felt like I was floating away in a storm.

****

I gasped for air and I felt my body jerk off the bed like when you wake yourself up after nodding off. It took me a second to remember where I was and what I had been through the past few weeks. I looked around the room. It was quiet except for the sound of the machines and the hospital's ventilation system. I had an IV in my arm and various wires and tubes coming out of me from all over - some to monitor my heart rate and brain activity, others to help me go to the bathroom while I was in my coma.

I was alone and I preferred it that way. As much as I missed my family and friends and physically being able to touch them and talk to them, I needed a little time to myself to reacclimate and sort through everything in my head without all of the shouting and crying about my being awake. I needed a little quiet time before all the emotional hoopla.

It felt eerily quiet in a way. I may not have been able to have a conversation with many people in the past few weeks, but Sera was constantly with me. With the nature of the whole angel thing during the in-between she could never be far from me. It felt weird to not have her with me. I felt a stray tear squeak out of the corner of my eye and roll down my cheek. She could be watching me right now and I wouldn't know. If she is, she's probably rolling her eyes right now over how emotional I am and crying over missing her. She's probably calling me a baby. I know deep down that she's going to miss me too though. Sera likes to act tough and like she's so unbothered by everything, but we became close and she's going to miss my company. Especially if her next charge is some annoying person.