Scared (Complete)

Stop

What are you trying to do, Tony yelled at her, coming straight into her room.
"What" she replied, frustrated.
How client died Natasha? Tell me, Tony said.
"I don't know, Steve knows better", she sighed.

Tony came closer, grabbed her hand, pinned her to the front wall of the door of her room, " Natasha, don't fool me, I know you, I can see in your eyes, you are in love with Steve, but you don't want that he loves you back, and you're trying your best to make him hate you, and you are still mourning on Clint too, and are afraid that if you will stay with Steve, you're gonna hurt him even more than you already did, but one thing I'm gonna tell you, that you better not hurt him by your words anymore because he saved you, and was with you at that time when no one was, stop playing with yourself and him too, enough of your drama, please let us be a team and tell Furry that you lied, Clint died saving you and Steve did what Clint told him, he couldn't save both of you and Clint wanted to save you and Steve did save you, you should be thankful to both of these guys, you have already lost Clint, don't loose Steve", Tony stopped, and continued "and don't ask why I changed by behavior for Steve, when you guys were gone and missing, I studied him, everything about him and after what he did for you, I have huge respect and love for him, people like him aren't exist now, Clint has so much trust in him from the start, that he sacrificed himself so that he can live and he trusted him for you, can you believe it, you should make things right for everyone and now it's all on you", Tony said and leave her alone in her room.

Every word of Tony, memories of Steve taking care of her when she needed someone, saving her, she stabbing him, Her saying murderer of Clint to him in front of Furry, was making her sick, her stomach and head was hurting, " why I can't do anything good, easy and simple for anyone, that man, saved my life, took care of me, I hated him, hurt him, stabbed him, still he did just lowered his head and didn't said a word to me, who am I, monster, evil, I'm not a good human, they say it wrong, I'm not a good person, I should stop this, I should make things right, and try to be the girl Clint wanted me to be", she told herself alone in the room.

The Next day,
Furry had arranged a funeral for Clint just to make sure his family, friends and everyone remember him and pay tribute to his countless contributions to shield, everyone was there from avengers as well except Steve, he was not feeling well still, and didn't want to face Clint's family, he has accepted Natasha's words that maybe he would have died, nobody would cared, he even didn't had a family, he shouldn't have listened to him, he was still on his bed in Bruce lab, and his head was hurting, he wasn't healing well too, he didn't want to live as well.

After the funeral, Natasha was just restless, she wanted to see Steve, her brain was saying her to not go to him, as she has already done much damage to him but her heart was saying, go, go to him, maybe you need him more than he needs you, she was hesitant but she couldn't resist to see him, never in her life she felt this alone, she don't know whether it was the acknowledgement of Clint death or fear of losing Steve, Tony's words were haunting her too.

She walked passed by Bruce medical office to his medical Labs area, and through the glass panel she saw him, " he was still not looking good, and Natasha got a punch in her stomach of guilt, you did this Natasha, why are you here, you are not even worthy of being seeing him, leave him alone, don't add to his miseries, you will be an extra burden to him and he can't even afford you, she's dangerous too, her mind start telling her the lies.

She shook her head, and went in, she quietly stood by his side, he was almost asleep, she didn't want to hold his hand but she couldn't help herself not to love him now, he needed her the most now and she knew, but she was restraining herself, but looking at him, and only him, she couldn't resist, she was torn between her mind and heart, this time she wanted to believe in her heart, no one was like him, he endured everything alone, not saying a word to her, he knew her dark parts now, he knew her inside out, he knew her weak side, but he never took advantage on anything, men like him aren't made anymore, and now she has enough, she had hurt him enough, he deserve better, he deserve good, he deserve all the love he missed. She was holding his hand for an hour now, and she didn't realized, she was so immersed in her own thoughts. When she jerked by a sudden moment, and she realized his hand not in hers anymore.

Hi, she said.
He was not looking at her, he had tilted his head to the left, looking at the window, he was so far away from her now, and didn't even answered to her.
Steve? she said his name, softly now, " I'm here to look at you".
You already did, he said, still looking at the window, she tried to analyze his eyes, he didn't want to talk.
"I want to talk about us", she said.
STOP IT NATASHA, PLEASE, he almost wanted to shout this time, but he controlled his voice and his exhausted expression.
" I have enough now, Steve, just let me," she was cut off by him.
"What do you want from me"? Natasha, still not looking at her, but his eyes were teary now, " tell me, please, I have enough too, it's been a long time and I didn't said a word to you, and that's all I can do, suffer alone, what you want from me next", he said frustrated but with a slow and broken voice.
"Steve", she called almost crying.
He turned to her," from the first day I came to you guys, you all didn't like me at all, I know I'm not perfect but still we all have our own demons, you tested me on every level you can, then you wanted to push me away, Clint died, he almost sobbed quietly, but I swear to God, I didn't kill him, he saved you, I didn't, he pushed you down, you were unconscious, he push you away from the jet into the water, I tried to save him, please believe me I did, but he said, I should follow you, he has his family and people to remember him, you don't, so he saved you, he pushed me down too, and he jumped off from the jet, but it just exploded, I saw him, I saw.... His voice broke and he closed his eyes, tears started to fell from his eyes now. I tried my best to give you what I have, but you just, said me a murderer, you stabbed me all over, I didn't said a word because I thought you love me, and you will not kill me, if you would have hated me that much, you just have killed me, there was no one there to help me escape, you could have easily killed me, I was wounded, I couldn't have resisted,but you didn't. I thought you have a space for me in your heart, but when you said me a murderer in front of Furry and everyone, you just killed me Natasha, all of my life I fought for freedom and respect, in one second it was gone from Furry's eye, the respect he had for me, the urge of me helping him in his missions was gone, I saw him empty from my side, and you just said it like it was nothing, it was the last stab direct into my heart. What next you want because you can clearly see I'm not dead yet physically but.... This time she cut his sentence off,

Sit on his bed, the opposite side, held his hand again, I'm sorry and I mean it, I know I hurt you and I know you won't forgive me for what I did, but I just let you know that I tried my best to stay away from you but I can't now, and that I don't know if you feel now the same for me but, but, I LOVE YOU, she said hesitantly, and kissed his hand for now just, and without hearing a response, rushed out of his room, and she directly went to her room, crying, never in her life she cried like this. I'm sorry Steve, I'm sorry you deserve better than me.