As The Spark Dies | Levi X Reader

with a hole

Thank you to everyone who's read so far. You have my heart. <3

.

You don't move for well over an hour. 

It's an hour of silence. Silence only broken by the occasional growl and shuffling of footsteps, which is consequently followed by a crack, then a thump as a body hits the ground.

At least Levi found his bat again, is the only delirious thought in your head. 

Silence is sort of fun, actually. When you close your eyes, it's like nothing else exists- not even the wooden floor underneath your rear or the wall at your back. It's just you, you and your thoughts, floating into nothingness.

Some days, that wouldn't be so pleasant. Right now?

Right now, you've got no thoughts. Your brain feels empty, like someone took a vacuum to it and sucked out every last original thought and idea from it. Leaving you to think of nothing, to do nothing except sit on the floor with your head buried in your knees and tear stains on your pants.

As soon as a thought starts to rise up again- hey, maybe you should- you squash it down again. No thoughts are needed right now. There's nothing to do, nowhere to be. Just here and now, with nothing but silence to keep you company.

Silence is nice. It's almost comforting. There's no surprises, nothing sudden- because if there was, it wouldn't be silence anymore, right? So as long as things are silent, then you have nothing to worry about.

You wonder if maybe you should sleep. Sleep would mean silence, right?

But you don't think you can. You don't think you're physically capable of sleep at the moment- like if you go to sleep, it's betraying your body. You're not sure why you have the feeling, but you stay awake for the hell of it anyways. It doesn't matter all that much; with your eyes closed and being surrounded by nothing but quiet, that's as close to sleep as you can get.

Then, you hear footsteps, and your silence is broken.

You look up from your knees. Levi is standing in the doorway, and his eyes are pointedly fixed on you so that he doesn't have to look at the body across the room.

It all comes reeling back to you. Everything that the silence had been holding from you comes back in a painful strike. 

Erwin. Erwin turning into a zombie. But that doesn't make sense because you need Erwin, you all need him to get out of this, he's your leader, and you can't do this without your leader- then having a gun, why do you have a gun? Right, because you found it in that safe, found it in that safe with Levi, but you gave it to Levi who gave it to Erwin who gave it to you and told you to-

Shoot me.

You blink yourself out of your haunting thoughts, looking to Levi. He's still frozen in the doorway, staring at you.

You shot Erwin. You did what he asked- you shot him. You shot the leader of your group, who kept you all together. You shot Levi and Hange's best friend.

"I'm sorry," you whisper.

Levi's expression doesn't change.

You try to say it again, but you can't vocalize the words. Your throat feels like it's been closed, swollen shut. 

You try to read Levi's expression, which gets you nowhere- you've never seen him look this passive. It's like every bit of emotion has been drained out of him, like the silence has stolen his thoughts like it did for you.

Maybe that's it. Maybe his brain is quiet, devoid of thought.

You want to explain. You feel like you need to, like you need to defend yourself. Like Levi needs to know what happened before he showed up and Erwin was trying to devour Hange.