When everything leads to you

The isle is in our blood

⚠️Attention: Big trigger warning for Eating disorders and self harm// do not read if this triggers you!!⚠️

My eyes fluttered awake when I heard coughs and spluttering sounds coming from the bathroom. I looked to my right. Empty bed. Shit. E. I shoved my duvet off of me and ran into the bathroom pushing open the closed door. I stood behind her and held her hair as she continued to throw up the non- existant contents of her stomach. I waited for her to finish in silence and got a towel and warm water to wipe her face, and glass of water to wash away the acidic taste in her mouth. I then took her back to my bed and wrapped her up in my blanket. I rocked her back and forth before eventually she broke the silence. "Im sorry" she whispered, her voice craking into tears. I held her as she broke down and soothed her gently. "Baby you never need to apologise , this isn't your fault" I whispered in her ear.

I waited for her to calm down before placing her head on my chest before asking her gently. "E , what happened? talk to me." A tear dripped down her cheek. I held her closer. "Everytime I just hear her voice, I can't escape it. We're not on the isle anymore but somehow the isle has followed us. I feel like I'm disappointing her and have you seen me lately, I'm ugly and fat and I don't even know why you still want to be seen with me." Tears cascaded down her cheeks. I held her to my chest wrapping my arms around her back. "E, I'm not leaving- not going anywhere. I love you and you are the most beautiful princess I've ever seen." She interrupted me "but I'm not a princess." "And next time E, wake me up- I don't mind we can talk and I can help you." "Okay?" "I guess," she stumbled. "I'm always here."

We talked and cuddled for hours before the light seeped in the room was painted with colours. It was almost like magic. But we knew that we weren't able to stay like this for much longer.

After a few minutes I rolled over to the side.

Hey E, I'm just going to have a shower. I got out of the covers and walked over to the bathroom door. I locked the door and slowly peeled off my clothes. I then stepped into the shower and pulled down the handle. A gush of cold water hit my face sending chills down my spine. I stood in the water letting it soak my body turning from ice cold to burning. I let the water burn my raw skin before finally turning the temperature down.

I squeezed one of the bottles supplied onto my hair and massaged it to my scalp. We didn't really have much soap on the isle we only used the dregs at the end of the thrown out bottles, that was dumped on the isle from the Auradon rubbish. So the only time our hair could be washed properly was at Lady Tremaine's curl up and dye. 

I finished lathering the soap onto my hair and rinsed it off and watched it swirl down the drain. I sat down and let the heavy water- wash over my entire body. I shut my eyes and let the weight of the water push me down and my head under water.

I couldn't stop thinking about Evie and the fact that she can't see just how beautiful she is. This hurts me and I just can't see how to get around it. My mind was full of thoughts. And I only know one way of dealing with it. I picked up the razor and threw it on the floor so the blades came off and were unattached. I then grabbed the blade and dug it into my hip creating scarlet strokes that bled into glistening pearls.  I winced slightly as the soap from my hair fell onto it but It felt reviving. I continued dragging the blade into my skin, leaving the water to turn pink and run into the drain hiding the evidence. I almost forgot the time passing until I heard a voice.

Mal, are you almost ready, we are going to miss breakfast.

Shit