Five years later...
2005
I'm 6, I'm in first grade. It was quiet hard in the begining but now I'm kinda getting used to it. My classmates are nice even though they don't talk to me, don't ask why... I have no clue. Right now it's break time so all my pupils and I run out of the classroom to the playground. I love break time! I can finally get crazy.
I'm always all alone in the playground, just like in class. But today I've decided I would ask people if they wanna play with me.
First time, I head to a group of five girls and three guys, they all look my age. "Can I play with you?" I ask to one of the girls.
She shakes her head. "Nooooo!" She runs away with all her friends.
Second time, I head to two asian girls. I smile widely. "Can I play with you?" They look at each other and speak in a language that sounds like chinese. I then understand it would be hard playing with them as we don't speak the same language.
But I don't lose hope!
I run towards a group of four tall girls. I think they're 8 years old. "Hey! Can I play with ya'll?"
They turn to me and the huge smiles they had on their faces suddenly disapear. The brown haired girl glances at me evilly and says. "Ew, never."
I look at that girl and frown a bit. "May I know why?"
The blonde girl retorts as she grins evily at me. "Because you're ugly! And you wear glasses! And look at your hair, they're so short and curly! You look like a sheep!" She pushes me to the ground while all her friends look at me and laugh.
I want to cry right now but I can't, all these people would laugh harder at me. I got back up from the ground as the bell rings.
At night
School made me sick today so I discreetly run towards my bedroom, hoping mommy wouldn't see my tears running. Oh well, she was too busy smoking anyway.
I throw my school bag on the ground and lay on my bed.
My mom enters in just when I was about to break into tears one more time. Her hair are messy, she wears an old black tee-shirt with blue jeans, her eyes look faded and her whole body smells like cigarette. She's holding a blunt between her fingers as she sits on my bed.
She strokes my cheek with her warm-shaking hand. "What's wrong baby?"
I sit up and hold my knees. "People don't want to play with me at school..."
She sighs and takes a deep breath of her blunt. "Did you ask them nicely?" She asks like I'm the mean one.
I look up at her and frown. "Of course."
She looks at me and smiles. "They are just mean, baby. You can play on your own."
Now tears was coming down. "But I always play on my own! I'm tired! And they say they don't want me because I'm ugly." I look down.
She takes another breath of her blunt and looks at me. "You're not ugly... You're just different and unique. And if anyone tells you the contrary then they are dumb."
I look at her. "But what am I supposed to do when they hit me?"
She looks at me concerned. "Then you have to hit back."
That's not what I expected from life. i thought it was easier. Why didn't Dora say people were so mean instead of talking with a stupid monkey? I don't ask for the moon, I just want to have some friends. I know mommy is right, I have to stand for myself, but how?
It's tormenting me. I feel so alone and I miss daddy really badly. It's been like one year I didn't see him but I'll never forget him even though mommy says he's not a good person.
I wish he was there right now, daddy always has the right words to comfort me.
Where are you daddy?
