Finding Melody

20: The Grey Space

"So you really do know him?" Davina asked, as I rushed into class just before the bell had rung and I still shook in my seat. Her question was one I dreaded answering, how did I know Dallas again, besides our families. But what were we to each other, was he my friend? Did he even want to be my friend, I knew he didn't like me, that stone cold expression of frozen regret. I never wanted to see that look again.

I had only been late this time, because I had to go to the attendance office and let them know why I had been gone for three days, but they already knew. The whole office knew and soon it would slip down the chains, people just assumed it was that I hated being the center of attention. And I did, especially for these reasons. I hated the looks of wonder, the whispering that surrounded you. Some people felt that it empowered them, but I could never be one of those people. But I would never faint from that reason alone, I fainted as a result of the surprise and the message that he had.

"Our families know each other", I said, avoiding the gray space, the to be decided space, I liked to call it. Whether he hated me, whether he was weirded out by the kiss, whether he even cared about me, those questions would be answered or left alone and no one would speak of them again.

"Once Dallas saw you fall he looked like he was going to piss himself, he pushed everyone back and ran you to the nurses office. He ran so fast, I think even the track coach approached him afterwards, you must mean a lot to him", she made clear through her words. But what she said I doubted was true, maybe he decided we were even now, because of me covering for him. What she said had little truth, I doubt it would even be counted as a true statement. I meant shit to him.

I followed along watching her ball up pieces of paper and shoot it at the kid in front of us, in his tall man bun. Davina knew her uncle could get her out of everything, it made sense for the artistic drawings on the desks and our new form of basketball. 

After the 1st period we went our separate ways, everyone was parading through the streets, celebrating the weekend that was to be given to us in just a couple of hours. The eagerness killed us all.

My second period, the worst of all, was physics, and this was my first day of actually being at school longer than 1st period. A new record in my book.

I took a seat at an empty spot in the back with both seats missing, asI hoped there would be an odd number of kids and I would be on my own, as the teacher gave me the things I had missed. My weekend wouldn't be as fun as everyone else's.

I finished my makeup work, handing it into the teacher, hoping she would let me finish today's assignment, but she dangled her keys, telling me she was leaving. I slipped out of her class making my dreaded way over to the lunch hall, as I saw Zeke waving energetically to me, and so did Lola, Roland. Every single one of them opened their arms for me with a welcoming look. As if I hadn't been here this whole time, as if they all hadn't been ignoring me.

I took my seat next to Zeke, as he pulled me next to him, snagging his hand into mine, as I tried to brush it off but his grasp was firm. Lola sat on my other side, talking about the glorious things we used to talk about when we were friends, it was like nothing had happened. Like nothing had changed between us.

They all laughed and joked around me, but I knew deep down no matter what they said or they did, I would never feel like one of them again. I would never laugh at this table, genuinely laugh. And I knew Zeke and I were destined for failure only pain, but he didn't seem to be hurt by anything, so I guess it was just me.

"We should all go to the mall, Max? Mel? I think it would be so much fun", Lola suggested, finally looking at me and talking, yet the words sounded all cloudy, but I could distinguish them fair enough. The other girls agreed to the forward plans as I looked out at the large trees that stood in the window's view.