𝐁𝐞𝐚𝐭 𝐎𝐟 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭

Part 3 ~ Pain

Michael's Point Of View ~

"Ella it smells amazing . . "  I say. 

I wrap my arms around her from behind. My chin resting on her shoulder. I look at everything in front of her, deciding then and there to pick up a knife from the knife block that sits on the kitchen bench top behind us. I want to help Ella. She has done so much for me both in and out of hospital. She has been amazing. I stand right beside her this time, chopping a carrot. She giggles as she sees me doing this. I love her laugh, her sweet giggles . . it's something that I have heard in such a long time. It makes me smile so wide. Feeling as if I want to dance because of how cheerful that sound makes me. Ella is making me my favourite for dinner tonight . . 

Stir fry.

I hear the sizzle of the hot pan as Ella adds the ingredients one by one. I finish chopping the carrot . . finally. Then adding it to the pan. Ella giggles once again. I was never a cook, I'm sure I'm looking so awkward too. Ella takes a hold of her wine glass, having a sip. I would describe it as elegant . . as the drink appears to swirl so gracefully around as she whirls the wine in the glass. She looks at at before she takes yet another sip. She feels my eyes on her, causing her to look at me. 

But it's the sudden hiss of the pan that draws her attention back towards it. She stirs it, turning down the heat also. 

"It's almost ready, Michael . . " 

Ella informs me. I begin to set the table as if that was my cue to do so. Place setting each, cutlery for both ends of the table along with Ella's red wine and just water for me. I even position a candle right in the middle of the table . . lighting it. This is a very special night. Since being home, Ella and I haven't had much of a chance to just spend time with each other as friends and family have been desperate to see me. I understand that. But tonight . . 

It's just Ella and I. 

White bowls in each hand . . she brings them over to the small, two seater dining table. Putting them gently on the placemat as our choice of beverage has already allocated. Both of us sit down with our forks at the ready. I twirl the noddle around it but it's more noodle than I expected. Oh well. It's okay. It just means a big bite. I slurp it up. Ella giggling again has she watches. The noodle whips my face. We begin to talk. We talk about many different things. It feels like we are catching up with each other even though we have remained present within one another's life. She tells me all about her work. Ella loves her job. Ever since I first met her five years ago, she has always enjoyed to cook. So once she became a chef . . she was over the moon. My ears are completely concentrated on everything Ella is telling me. She informs me of the amount of orders that have requests in regards to their individual dietary requirements and just of all the amazing food she makes each time. 

It makes her so hungry, she tells me. 

We both laugh. It's very true. 

I look up at Ella. The light from the candle giver her this beautiful glow. The way it makes her skin look. It is like it's glowing. So smooth . . hmm so very soft. I miss touching her. In that way. 

I miss making love to her. 

So bad. I haven't touched her that way in such a long time. I miss it. Just miss being so close to her again. I miss having her in that way. What happened has just completely stolen so much of my life from me . . especially the last year. I was fighting so hard . . we all were. But I'm healthy once again after receiving such an amazing gift. I'm feeling back to my old self. Almost, I should say. As I continue to look at Ella, it just makes me think that way again. To have her like that, to hold her . . to just love her. But I don't want to push it. I know Ella, I know she worries a lot. She worries about me and after it all especially . . I don't blame her. I know where she is coming from. It has now been a week since I came home but it's never something you just forget, no matter how much time passes. I know she still thinks back to it all. It is just something that is always going to be there.