𝐁𝐞𝐚𝐭 𝐎𝐟 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭

Part 4 ~ Here

Michael's Point Of View ~

I sit down on the lounge, waiting for Dr Wells to come. He is just coming over for a check up. I feel great, like a brand new person. Nothing anti to report. Ella comes and sits right next to me on the lounge. Her arms around a single one of mine, her head rests on my shoulder. 

"I just want to be near you, Michael . . " 

Ella says softly. I kiss her head. I feel terrible. She was so upset the other night, inconsolable you could say. And all because of me. I think back . . her body shaking, her hands gripping onto me. Her tears never ending. It was so hard to see Ella that upset. To now know that she saw me when I was at my worst . . when I was at my sickest. I never never forgive myself for that. But I know I shouldn't feel that way . . Ella tells me that. All I can do is look after her, just like Ella looks after me. I can now. 

I'm strong enough. 

Suddenly Ella sits on her legs on the lounge, bent at the knees. Her body completely facing me now. Her right hand at the side of my face. I feel as her finger tips gently play with my curls there. I see her just looking at me from the corner of my eyes, so lovingly too. 

"I'm going to stare at you until my heart really believes that you're here . . " She says. 

I giggle, looking at the clock. 

"Ella, Dr Wells will be here any minute . . " 

I tell her smiling. 

"Hold on. I just thought of another way to convince myself that you really are here . . " 

She moves closer to me. Her lips at the side of my face, her arms around my neck. 

"Maybe . . " 

"If I kiss every part of you . . " 

"Then my brain will tell my heart that you're really all here . . " 

Ella says with her lips against my skin. On my cheek then down to my neck. One kiss is placed after each word is spoken. My eyes close as I feel her touch . . her kisses. I look to my left slowly, at Ella. It's an intense stare she is giving me. My hand drops gently upon her naked thigh. Her eyes fall, following my hand's movements before they return back to mine. She straddles my lap, biting her lip. I see a cheeky look on her face. She kisses me, I kiss her back. Of course. Her hands on either side of my face. Her finger tips moving aside the curl that rests on my forehead after the kiss is broken. 

"I want to look at you, Michael . . " 

"I want to love you . . " 

She whispers. Her features loose that intense look, that fierceness to them out of the blue. They become soft . . they become sad. Is she nervous? Is she worried? I don't want that. She doesn't need to be. I sigh to myself. 

"Ella, baby . . " 

I say softly to her. I go to speak but I'm cut off as there is a knock upon our front door. It takes us a few seconds to realise that it's most likely Dr Wells. Ella gets off my lap, but remains sitting on the lounge. I feel that I know what she was thinking about in that very moment. I don't wish for her to think that way. I know she is concerned and it's something I do understand. But I feel amazing. So she doesn't need to even think it. I stand up, walking towards the door to open it. 

"Oh Michael, hello . . " Dr Wells says. His voice full of enthusiasm, his face looking like his smile will fall off of him. Arms stretched out as she comes closer to me . . a happy hug, I receive. I chuckle at his friendly affection. My arms wrap themselves around him, tapping him on the back with hands. He looks me up and down once he's free from our hug. 

"Mike, you look great! . . " He tells me. 

I say for him to come in, a smile on my face myself. Dr Wells is such a caring surgeon . . such a caring person. I hear Ella says her hellos to Dr Wells as I close the front door before I make my way over to them. The single chair that sits opposite the lounge is right where Dr Wells sits. I sit next to Ella on the lounge again, her hand quickly finds mine as she wishes to keep hold of it. 

"Again. Michael you look great, mate! . . " Dr Wells says. 

Ella and I look at each other, both laughing. 

"Thank you, Dr Wells . . " 

He looks at some notes and documents that he pulled from his briefcase. He begins asking me how I have been feeling. But I give him the responses I know he wants to hear. Completely giving him the green light on everything. I see as it utterly gives him such joy. It's so pure. It makes me so happy too. And I know it makes Ella even more. But I want to ask him. I know I must. All he gave me was a name . . nothing more. And that name is one that I still remember. That I wish to know everything about. As much as I can at least. That is all I ask. Dr Wells told me . . right before I was wheeled off into surgery, the name of my donor. I was so sick, incredibly weak by this point as my heart was continuing to fail more and more. But I wanted to know so I asked. 

But he didn't tell me. 

It's as if he didn't want to tell me. 

Not ever, just not at that very moment. And that has just stuck with me . . the look on Dr Well's face once I asked the question. A look that I didn't understand. That I still don't understand. So today, I want to ask him. I want to know. 

"Okay Michael. I am just going to listen to your heart now . . " 

Dr Wells tells me. Ella lets go of my hand as she moves a little away from me, wanting to give him some room. The stethoscope ear pieces in his ears already, so equip.He stands in front of me. I'm told to take some deep breathes. In and out . . in and out. I hear as Dr Wells responds to what he must be hearing. I'm assuming it's good as he nods his head with each breath I take. 

"Hmhmm. Okay, and the back now . . " He tells me. 

I lift my shirt up but only slightly as I grant Dr Wells access to my back. Once again, the same thing is told to me. Deep breaths in and out. He listens, we wait. I know Ella must be so anxious right now. Her fingers crossed that its only good that he's hearing. I feel her hand find mine once more. The feeling of the cold diaphragm as it now has left my skin. Dr Wells sits back down opposite Ella and I. He is quiet, writing yet a few more notes. He looks back up at us suddenly. But he has a smile upon his face. I hear as Ella releases a sigh herself. She is relieved that it's good news as told to us non verbally. 

"Michael. I'm happy with what I have just heard . . " 

"And everything you have just told me too . . " 

He packs everything back into his briefcase, buckling it up. But wait, he can't leave not just yet. Dr Wells tells me that he still wishes to have regular check ups. Wishing to still monitor my heart. He asks me if I have anymore questions . . I do. Now is my chance. 

"Dr Wells. I want to know what my heart donor . . " 

"You told me his name. But then I asked how old he was and what happened to him . . " 

" . . but you didn't answer . . why? . . " I ask softly. 

Dr Wells takes a deep breath out. He takes his glasses off as he looks me. 

"Michael. I want you to prepare yourself . . " 

It doesn't sound good. But I want to know. And maybe, just maybe . . he can also help me find her. 

"He was 17. A car accident . . " 

"He passed at the scene. So his family had to make that choice for him . . " 

It's silent in the room. My eyes wide. I'm in shock. I'm so shocked. I wasn't expecting that. But I can not look away from Dr Wells. I feel tears building in my eyes. Dr Wells doesn't say anything. Instead he retrieves a small note pad and pen from his briefcase. Writing something down. He rips it off, walks over and gives it to me. 

His hand on my shoulder. 

"I know you, Michael . . " 

"And I know this information is what you have wanted . . " 

"Find her . . " 

to be continued.