BTS HYYH Notes (Book 1, 2, BUS Game) // COMPLETE [Part 1]

2021, Aug 9 - Seokjin (Los Angeles)

[Place: A sea from Los Angeles, California, USA]

I took photos as I walked down the sea. The seaside town continues to change but the sea was always the same no matter where you are. I got out of my car and went down to the beach. I sat down on the sand and looked at the photos I took through the viewfinder. The location of the photo, the time it was taken, everything was different but all the photos were the same. The sky and the sea met in the middle.

It has been about a year since I came to LA after leaving Songju as if I was running away. The house I spent my childhood in was not unfamiliar nor was comfortable. Hide my feelings, find the place I belong, and smile awkwardly. The method I got from my abeoji on how to be a good person. That was mostly useful and this was the same situation.

After coming here, I stopped taking pictures of people. I just didn't want to. Instead, I took pictures of the sea. Perhaps, I wanted to take a picture of something that doesn't change. Looking back, it was a funny thing. My friends did not change. That didn't mean I haven’t changed. I was always that kind of person, I was just hiding it, and I was caught.

I didn't bring a single photo from high school days. But the ‘me' back then was different from the ‘who’ I portrayed I was. I didn't hide my feelings and I didn't need to find my place. The awkward smile was still the same but there was one thing that was different. I was smiling with my full heart.

I held up my camera and took a photo of the sea. Due to the cloudy weather, the sea and the sky had similar color. The horizon that met together was also unclear. From all the photos of the sea, there wasn't a single photo that was the same.

Weather was different, lighting was different, and the wind was different. My view was different and my heart was different. That was the same for the picture taken place today. Same went for the many photos that were taken during high school. Picture in the view of the photographer and their heart gets captured. That was probably the reason I couldn't bring any photos from back then. I was afraid to face myself from back then. I was afraid I would miss the "me" from the past.

How is everyone doing? What would they think of me? I was worried. I would question those things so I put their pictures in the box and closed the lid.