Trying Your Luck - Bucky BarnesxOC

Part 17: True Colors

They eat the rest of their meal in their various stages of undress. He sits in a fresh pair of boxer shorts and nothing else while Shannon is in her bra and work pants. The moonlight pours in through the kitchen window and Bucky actually lights the candles that Sam stole from Shannon's house. She recognizes them and teases him gently before grabbing his metal hand and bringing his knuckles to her lips to kiss them. Her hazel eyes glow in the dim light of his kitchen. Shannon pours them more champagne as they grin at each other like idiots. Bucky doesn't feel an ounce of nervousness in his body. Couldn't detect it if he tried. He's content. Bucky knows the anxiety will come back like a virus. It's eradicated for now, but tonight, it will find a way to invade his mind and flood his body with terror. For now, though, he's content to ignore it and just look at her. She's a balm. He knows what Dr. Raynor warned him against, but right now, he doesn't care. He's living in the moment.

Bucky brings their dishes to the sink and rinses them off.

"Did anyone ever tell you that you have a really cute butt?" Shannon asks from the table.

He laughs and looks over his shoulder with an incredulous look on his face.

"What?"

"You do!"

Bucky feels himself blush.

"I haven't heard that recently." He turns and sits back down. "Thank you, though."

Shannon smiles softly. They're quiet for a few moments. Bucky watches the candles flicker as a gentle summer breeze rolls in through the window.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asks, her cheeks flushed from the alcohol.

"Talk about what?" Bucky asks.

"The L word."

Bucky sighs and senses her immediate defensiveness. He looks up. She's staring at him with wide, pleading eyes.

"Did you mean it?" She asks softly.

"Today, Dr. Raynor told me about the difference between love and infatuation," he rasps.

Shannon looks nervous and pours more champagne.

"And?"

"She told me that infatuation was seeing someone as perfect, as some kind of obsession, and that love was seeing someone's flaws and still wanting to build something with them. She told me I was infatuated with you."

"Is there a 'but' to the end of that sentence?" Shannon asks.

He feels like he's walking a tightrope - to say the wrong thing means she puts her clothes on, grabs Ace, walks out, and he never sees her again. That's the last thing he wants. Bucky is well aware of the definitions that Dr. Raynor gave him, but he's also trying to trust himself and his own feelings. What he feels feels true and real. It's a delicate process, and not one that he's been used to. His feelings haven't been his own for a long time. He was trained to be a sociopath, to kill without mercy, to never think with his heart. It was only useful for pumping blood through his veins. Now, he has to do both and it's suffocating, like sitting in the summer heat. Bucky reaches for her with his right hand. Shannon's pinky finger links with his.

"I meant what I said. And I would like to build something with you." He laughs. "I don't know if this is the dumbest thing I've ever said or done in my life, but I really do think that I love you."

She smiles. He sees tears in the corners of her eyes.

"I'd like to build something with you too - whatever that is and whatever it looks like." She winces. "Is this too fast?"