How can I forget? | BILLIE EILISH

𝐹𝒾𝓋𝑒.

Billie's Pov-

"How's everything going with Jess?" Finneas asked me, taking off his headphone and placing them down on his desk. "You've been seeing her a lot recently,"

"We're good. She's still so fun to be around, and Adelaide is an angel, I love her to death,"

"I need you in the studio more, ever since you ran into her you've been spending so much time with her, and having barely any time to record." 

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I hear you. Are we close to being done yet? How many songs are left?" I asked.

"Uhhh, I think we have Oxytocin and like three more after that, and all they need is additional vocals and I wanted you to check out something for Oxy." He explained. 

Making this album has been a dream. The writing and the recording and all of that shit was so much easier, which was expected, seeing as it was my second time. And of course, I hadn't been around as much with my family, but Jess and I had finally gotten good again.

Most times it would be sex, but hey, who doesn't love sex? Especially when the person you get to fuck is smoking HOT. 

Other times we would bond over small things, or we would record silly songs that no one would ever hear. Addy was like my own now, too. Jess would send me videos of Adelaide asking if I was coming over, or when they could come to see me. 

I'm just going to say it like it is, I felt like they were my own little family. And our future was so easy to plan. I would propose to Jess and she'd say yes (hopefully) and cry and get all cute like she does when she gets excited, and Addy was going to be the flower girl at our wedding, that was going to be somewhere cute and quiet with all of our friends and family. 

And then our honeymoon was going to be somewhere sexy. I hadn't fully planned it out yet, but I could see lots and lots of hot stuff coming from there...

When we would get back from our hot and steamy trip, I would've had Finneas and the rest of the gang move Jess and Addy in so they could call it home.

Then we could grow old together and watch Adelaide become the strong independent woman we raised her to be. And she was going to whatever made her happy, as long as she stayed safe. 

I want that with Jess, and I always have, but I doubted we were a thing. We just talked and made out and fucked. No strings attached, I guess. 

But all the strings were attached on my end. 

She didn't belong to anyone else, she was mine. Even if she didn't think or know she was, she was. 

"Billie!" Finneas shouted, "Were you even listening to me?" 

"I- uhhh, yeah, I was."

"What was I talking about then? Tell me exactly what I said, and how I said it," Finneas demanded. 

Why the fuck was he like that?  Why THE FUCK was my brother that guy?

"Fuck you,"

"Save it for your lady friend, Billie." He teased. I hated his ass. Well, sorta. "Like I was saying, our team wants this out sometime in July, but they haven't decided when. All of the songs need to be done soon though, like this month." He explained.

"Shit, that's easy."

"Yeah, if you actually get your ass working! I understand you missed Jess and shit, but the album is an extreme project that we need to get done," 

"Finneas, it's fine, we're gonna get it done, we always do," I assured him. Finneas shook his head and turned back to his computer. 

"You wanna run through a few vocals real quick?" He asked. I nodded my head and moved to the microphone. The track to one of my songs began playing and then I started singing the parts I needed to.

* * * *

A few hours later I was back at my house. Finally. 

I wanted to text Jess, but also I didn't want to bother her. I was so in love with her, and I knew it was real love. I think when I 'loved' her years ago, I was lonely. Don't get me wrong, I did want to be with her then, but love was a stretch.

I loved her platonically before, but I knew I loved her and meant it. I loved her soul. I loved her laugh and hands and her cheeks. I was actually in love with her for the first time and it scared the living shit out of me.

To: Jessie<3

Me: I miss you, and it's weird.

Jess answered soon after.

Jess: Why is it weird?

Me: Cause I don't think I should miss you.

Jess: I'm a missable person, what can I say?

Me: Are you busy tomorrow?

I knew I probably shouldn't have asked her that, seeing as she probably was going to be busy, and two, we had been around each other for weeks on end.

Jess: When are you going to give me a break, Eilish? And yes, I have work and Addy has something to do after school.

Me: Fuck.

Jess left me on read for a little while, but a little while turned into the rest of the night. It did kinda hurt to be left on read. It's childish, I am aware, but it still hurt.

Was I going mad or something? 

Why did the smallest thing drive me nuts? She didn't text me back, causing me to become paranoid. Why?

Was it the love talking, or my insecurities? 

Whatever it was, I shook it off and away from my thoughts. I didn't need to cry over idiot things like that.

Jess had this relentless power over me that made me cry when I missed her. I was so attached to her now and it was so absurd for me to feel like that again.

A/N- This was just like a filler chapter ig? idk i didn't like writing it, but at the same time i did?? It's a shitty chapter but dw, the other ones are gonna be better.