How can I forget? | BILLIE EILISH

𝒮𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓃𝓉𝑒𝑒𝓃.

Billie's Pov-

"Rehab? What do you mean rehab?" I questioned furiously.

"They're sending me to some rehab group so I can overthrow my insobriety, or whatever my problem is,"

This was the first time Jess and I have talked since she found out about Lainey. Now, the school thinks she's been intoxicated around Adelaide, and as much as Jess had drank, she never did it in front of Addy. She refused.

"Do you think she'll have to like...move in with Lainey?"

Jess exhaled out of worry. "I hope not, Billie, but I don't know anything yet!"

"W-well if Tabitha can't keep her until Monday, or however long she needs to stay with someone else, I'm sure I can. I just don't want her to go to Lainey,"

"Neither do I, Billie, but you, nor I, have control of anything they do! They can get CPS on my ass because they think she's unsafe!"

"I'm just saying, Jess, if Tabby can't keep her, then I will because she cannot go to Lainey,"

Jess huffed and pushed herself off of her couch. "Just let it be. It's not your issue anyways, Bil. The last thing you need on your plate is my family issues," She groaned.

"But J" I started, making my way near her, "That's what I'm here for! I'm here to comfort you, and help you, and love you,"

Without hesitation or words, I went in for a tight embrace. I engulfed her small, broken figure in my arms, hoping to make her feel better.

To my surprise, Jess pushed me off and turned away.

"Jess, come on," I said desperately.

"Just stop, please. Don't touch me,"

I lifted up my arms in surrender and backed away from her. "Do you want me to leave?"

Jess answered with a low 'mhm'

As much as my mind told me not to, I left. I knew she shouldn't be alone.

Because now, not only does she not have Addy to keep her company, but she's at risk of also losing Addy all together.

I grabbed my keys, unwillingly, and headed out the door.

When I actually left, I regretted everything.

She even knew she needed me.

I drove back home; Jess was still on my mind. I felt so bad for her. She was the first girl I loved, and one of the only people I loved so hard.

Every inch of my body wanted to back and hold her no matter the shit she said to me, but I knew she wouldn't have it.

I hopped into my car and left anyways. Did that make me a bad...lover? Or whatever I was to her at that point. 

Was Jess crying for help and I just left and let her destroy herself?

Fuck.

I shook everything out of my head and drove away. I personally didn't want to be alone, so I drove to my parents' house. My sweet little childhood home. God, all the old memories that were imbedded in those walls. Jess and my dogs and my older friends. So much happened in one small house.

While driving Jess's favorite song came on, making me feel depressed. 

What if she relapsed again?

Would she try to take her own life?

No, Jess wouldn't do that, she's strong. Right?

Jess was strong, until she wasn't.

Before anything else occurred in my mind, my childhood home popped up in front of my car. 

"Mooom!" I expressed in a childish tone. "Mamma! Where are youuu?" 

"In here Billie!" I heard my mother's soft voice chirp. I followed the sound of her voice into my brother's old bedroom. "Hi, my love, what are you doing here?"

I sighed and stepped towards my brother's old bed. "Just wanted to stop by and check in on you guys,"

"Well, honey, we're doing just fine," She smiled. "How are you and Jessie?" My mom smirked.

"I- Uh we're doing good, we had a small argument earlier but we uh- we worked it out,"

"Well Billie, all good relationships have fights, as long as it isn't constant. How's her little girl?" My mom asked.

"She's doing good too mom," I chuckled. "Well, I'm glad you're doing well mamma, tell dad I stopped by, okay?" 

"Will do! Be safe on the way back home please!" 

"I will mom, bye!" I shouted, exiting the house. I genuinely planned on staying there for a while, but my mom kept asking about Jess, and I didn't want to continue to lie to her.

I made it back to my car and drove to my house. It was empty too, but I didn't have anywhere else to go. I didn't feel lonely though. I was content with it just being Shark and me. We were happy alone.

Part of me felt uneasy. Jess was alone, I was alone, and everything was wrong.

A/N: HI MY BEAUTIFUL BABIESSSS!!! omg guys i have missed writing for you guys so so much BUT I AM BACKKK enjoy this vv shitty chapter- I PROMISE THESE NEXT FEW WILL BE A LOT BETTER- 

-Love youuuu, h<3