How can I forget? | BILLIE EILISH

𝐸𝓁𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓃.

Billie's Pov-

Jess and I haven't talked in 14 days,  367 hours, and 20,160 minutes. 

I kept mentally tracking the length, no matter how hard I tried not to. It was the last thing I wanted to do. I didn't want her on my mind 24/7 anymore. She inebriated every good thought I had, and hell, she did that to every thought I had.

Jess didn't bother to text or call, and I didn't care. She could do whatever she wanted to do, it was her life.

Did I miss her? Yes, of course, I did.

Did I want to be around her? Trick question.

I had other things I needed to do anyways. I had to go in for an outfit fitting, had press and interviews, I had calls I needed to make, I had everything to do, and worrying over this one girl who isn't really mine, is the last thing I wanted to do. Wasn't it?

"Are you even paying attention, Billie?" Finneas asked, sounding as if he was quite annoyed with me.

"Sorry, what were you saying?"

"Billie, if being away from Jess for a few days bothers you so much, then maybe you should do something about it?" He suggested. I shook my head and stood to my feet.

"Nah, that's not gonna happen. I'm giving her space to think, so she can think everything through,"

"Look, I didn't want to be the one to say it, but don't you think she's kinda using you? Like, she'd have...sex...with you and then tell you that she doesn't want a relationship? Jess is sending you mixed signals Billie, I just don't want you to get transfixed with her, and then all the sudden, she just shuts you out," He stated.

He had a point.

"Well, we're both away from each other so we'll see how it goes," I answered. Finneas raised his eyebrows and turned back to whatever he was doing. Pretty sure he was writing songs, but I wasn't entirely sure, I was only down there to bother him.  

I walked upstairs, the 'studio' was on the lowest level of the house, so it's the basement, and spotted Claudia who was prancing around the kitchen.

Claudia and Finneas were so in love and it made me sick. Don't get me wrong, I loved their love, they were adorable together, but I hated that they found the one that made them the happiest they've ever been. Gross.

The only reason I was thinking that though, was that my lady friend decided to 'use' me, according to Finneas.

"Oh, hey Billie!" Claudia chirped. I smiled and entered the kitchen area. "How's it goin'?"

"Eh, it's going," I stated shortly. Claudia cocked her head softly but continued to smile.

"I didn't know you were coming, when did you get here?" 

"A little while ago, but I was actually heading out, I have a few things I need to get done," 

"Oh, okay! If we don't get to see you before Thursday, just know we love you!" 

"Love you guys more,"

I waved my hand and slipped out of their house. 

* * * *

When did shit get so...unexciting? Used to, I would leave Finneas's house and be super excited about something.

Nothing really puts a smile on my face anymore, and there's really only one reason, but we're not gonna bring that up. 

Reluctantly, I drove to a business meeting, which was literally about the same shit we went over weeks ago. Possible tour dates, the album release, photoshoot dates, and interviews. It's always the same shit.

I'm gonna say it. I was lost without her. I felt like I was missing a part of my soul and it made me feel so stupid. Like Jesus, Billie, get ahold of yourself.

When I was at home, with nothing to do, I would look at our texts. I would look through her socials. I would rewatch the videos we had together, past and present.

Eventually, I managed to gain enough energy to shower. 

Ew. I hated seeing myself like that. How I was so reliant on one person to make me feel good. God, I really let myself go. 

I turned on the water, letting it heat up while I assembled a comfy outfit to wear for the rest of the night. 

The usual: Big t-shirt and sweats. Nothing special.

Following my shower, I toweled off and threw on my pajamas. I strived to be comfy. I slumped downstairs and collapsed next to Shark, who was peacefully stretched out on the sofa. 

"Hey, buddy, you too?" Shark's ears perked up as his eyes looked to mine. He lifted up his body and crawled next to me. "I'm gonna take that as a yes,"

I grabbed my phone and went for the daily social media check on Jess. 

Oh. Great. Riley's back.

That doesn't hurt at. all. 

Liked by ClaudiaSulewski and 778,982 others

JessieEvens OG

View all 345,201 comments

Rileyalewis I miss you more every time, ugh.

* * * *

Fuck Riley bro. That bitch always walks in and fucks shit up. 

I don't know what hurt worse. 

1- the fact that it shouldn't hurt because we weren't together.
2- the fact that Jess was hanging out with Riley and didn't tell me anything about it.
Or 3- the fact that she looks happy, but it's with Riley and not me.

I couldn't hold anything against Jess though, she's supposed to be happy. 

I wonder if Riley was as good with Adelaide as I was, or if Addy even liked her. It was hard to get Addy close to anyone, so if she liked you, you needed to feel lucky. 

To Jessie<3:

Me: Hey, I miss you and I want you to be mine, and I want you to drop Riley because I don't like her ulterior motives and I feel like she's gonna do something wrong. Anyways, I hope you're doing okay because I don't think I am, and I just wanted to text you and let you know...

Do you really think I'd send that to her? 

Funny.

Well, that was enough social media stalking for me. I didn't want to find out anything else that could've ruined the slightest chance I had at a decent sleep.

A/N- Ew. I'm sorry, ik this chapter sucks butt, but just ignore it, I promise better things are coming!!!