How can I forget? | BILLIE EILISH

𝒮𝒾𝓍𝓉𝑒𝑒𝓃.

Jess's Pov-

I laid my head down on Billie's shoulder once more and sighed, clicking on my phone.

Uh-Oh.

From: Lainey

Lainey: I want Adelaide back. I'm better and I can take care of her now.

"Shit!" I mumbled.

"What babe?"

"Lainey, she wants Addy back,"

I felt like I couldn't breathe.

I couldn't breathe.
I couldn't breathe.
I couldn't breathe.

That's all my mind could focus on. I knew Billie was saying something, and I heard her, but I didn't register what she was talking about.

I couldn't breathe.
I couldn't breathe.
I couldn't breathe.

I sat myself up and grabbed the neck of the hoodie I was wearing, yanking it away from my throat. It was suffocating me.

I couldn't breathe.
I couldn't breathe.
I couldn't breathe.

My hands were trembling and my head was spinning around with the thought of Adelaide not being mine anymore. My eyes got heavy, my chest heaved, and Billie didn't notice.

"Jess...my...are...okay," Billie's voice was in and out. I tried so hard to hear her, but I could only hear my heart racing and the muffled sound of my breath.

Then it went black.

Did I die? Was I dead?

* * * *

"Jess! Baby! Jess!" I heard a distinctive voice that I had heard for years and years. Billie. My head was pounding was when I unlocked my eyes, the sun sent shooting discomfort through my brain. "Oh thank God! Jess, baby, can you hear me?"

"I-" I couldn't mutter words, but I could easily move. I nodded my head and felt my body be lifted up. When her arms covered me, I felt at ease.

"What happened, baby? Are you okay?"

"I don't know," I said, being barely audible. "I- I couldn't b-breathe,"

"Hey, hey, It's okay, I got you,"

Was Adelaide going to be in danger? If she had to go back and live with Lainey, what was going to happen? Adelaide was going to think I didn't want her anymore.

"What if Lainey gets Addy?" I pondered.

"She won't, Jess, she can't,"

"Yes, she can Billie. If she wants Adelaide that bad, and she acts sober enough for the judge to believe it, she'll get her back. It's a legal guardianship, I never truly Adopted her as my own. That's been my plan, and I said I did, only because that's what I've wanted. She can have her, and I can't stop it,"

"Jess, we're gonna fight for Adelaide, and when they see how much we love her and want her, we'll win this,"

I knew Billie's intentions were good, but I didn't believe her. She just wanted to see me happy, and I wanted to give that to her, but I felt like a part of me was missing. Well, was going to be missing.

"Can we go?" I asked softly, trying not to sound like I wanted to leave, but that I needed to.

"Of course, babe, go to the car, and I'll get everything packed up,"

I did as Billie said, though I just wanted to stay in one space. All balled up in a black corner, left to rot and die. Dramatic? Maybe, but I was so miserable. Still Dramatic? Yeah, but if your drug addict step-mother, that couldn't take care of her child in the first place, decided she wanted her daughter back (after you've taken care of her for almost 3 years), wouldn't you be upset?