The Sound of You **on hold**

Chapter 28

Adelaide

"Pack a bag. Quickly! And make sure you hide anything embarrassing in something no one will open." Pauline called to me as she took off her coat and boots at my apartment door hastily. She hurried down the hall towards the bathroom. "What do you need from the bathroom? I'll start there. Brooks is on his way with your parents for the rest."

I sat on the edge of my bed looking at my shadow in the mirror on my closet door, unable to look at my own face yet.

I could hear Pauline opening cupboard doors and sweeping the shower curtain back and collecting items into her arms.

I closed my eyes wishing I could just go to sleep and not wake up. Tears stung my eyes, knowing she would come and find me any second, curled up in shame. I hugged my knees, trying my best to ignore the pain in my shoulders and my side.

Pauline shuffled down the hall to my room. I braced myself when she flicked on the light. I had no clue what she would see, but I knew it wouldn't be pretty.

"Adelaide." She breathed. Her eyes welled. She put her hand over her heart and studied me.

Her eyes were filled with pity. I expected that look. I had avoided it before, sharing minimal details of my relationship with Pauline. That look nearly broke my heart, but that time I felt like I had no more pieces of my heart left to break.

She slowly came to my side and gently wrapped her arms around me. She sniffled. "I told myself I was going to be strong and just get you out of here. But Adelaide..." She choked on her words. I was wrong. I had lots of heart left for my best friend, and it broke for her. Even though, really, this was about me. "Do you need to go to the hospital?"

"No." I hoped I sounded convincing.

"Okay." She breathed. "Then we are going to hug for one minute and then we get packing."

We sat there with our arms wrapped around each other, and I thought I might finally cry. Finally having someone see the candid evidence changed how everything played out. Finally it was the last straw. Finally I was leaving.

She said Brooks was on his way with my parents. If I looked as bad as Pauline made it seem, I needed to get out of there before they arrived. "Lou." I breathed, and slackened my grip on her. She nodded quickly, and wiped away her tears as she let go of me.

"Okay." She said louder than before. Shaking off the emotions. "Suitcase?" I pointed to the closet in front of me. She opened it and pulled out the large maroon bag and laid it on the bed. She filled it with the toiletries she had found in the bathroom. I packed a few outfits and essentials. I didn't have to worry about my family finding anything embarrassing. My vibrator had been well hidden in a box of memorabilia in the closet because I wasn't allowed to pleasure myself alone.

I said a quick goodbye to Stella before shutting the door, knowing I'd see her in a few days. She had licked my face gently and whined, which made me rethink leaving her for Brooks to take home.

We hurried out the door to Pauline's car. We sat in front of my building for only a few minutes before my parents arrived in a big truck that I didn't recognize. I pulled my scarf over my face and put on my sunglasses. I leaned on the pillow I brought with, pretending to be asleep, while Pauline got out and gave my dad the keys. When she got back in, I asked, "So. Where are we going?"

"We're going into Canmore. I made reservations at a boutique hotel with a spa."

I raised my eyebrows. That sounded nice. I wished I could will myself to care more, or even be excited. I planned to lay in bed the whole time we were there. "I have one stop I want to make." I forced myself to say, finally looking in the mirror at my face. Red marks were starting to turn purple and blue already. My left eye was bloodshot. My top lip was swollen. My bottom lip was busted, and blood had crusted over on it.

"Whatever you need, sweetie. Where to?"

I flipped the mirror shut angrily and folded the visor up. "The police station."

************

Dawson's hands are shaking as he reaches one up to wipe away one of the many tears that have trailed down my face since I started speaking. He returns to holding my hands in his, placed on our knees that are resting together. When I started speaking, Dawson still didn't seem overly interested, but once I said the words I had been dreading, his demeanor changed completely, and he got me my own chair to sit in.

I explained who it was that I left with on Tuesday night. And the threat against Dawson he made. And the amazing taxi driver who drove me to safety.

I told Dawson of the first time Nathan ever hit me. And how I thought it was an accident. A one-time thing. Nathan loved me, he couldn't possibly have meant to hurt me. I gave Dawson an idea of how often it occurred, and how I stayed because when Nathan wasn't drunk and abusive, he was sweet and remorseful. Also because I thought he had a lot to do with me getting my job.

I told Dawson of going to work and hiding in a corner of the room to answer the phone, and covering myself up in uncharacteristic scarves and make up, and about calling in sick when there were marks too dark to cover.

I told him about deliberately smacking my face on a cupboard at my Mom's house in front of her, so the bruise I hadn't let her see yet wouldn't be questioned. I had just gotten to her house, and I put ice on it after. Then we all looked at my face in awe of how quickly it bruised.

I told him about the final assault that became the last straw for me, and how Pauline came to my rescue to get me out of town and moved out of the apartment. I was on a week of straight dayshifts and had to call in sick that morning, and Pauline was on night shift, but came over as soon as I called her. She ended up taking leave for a personal emergency to help me out. She did get me out of the suite and into the spa for a bit of relaxation.

I told him how ashamed I am that I ever let the assaults happen and how weak I feel for not leaving him sooner.

Sometime in the afternoon after we left Crowman, Nathan showed up to the apartment while my parents were still there. Nathan and my dad were in the heat of an argument when the police showed up to charge him with domestic assault. My parents didn't know yet that Nathan beat the shit out of me. I think my dad could have killed Nathan then and there if the police weren't around.

I told Dawson about how the anxiety and panic attacks began as soon as I arrived in Canmore with Pauline. I explained what happened the night he witnessed me have a panic attack, and how I recognized Nathan's number on my call display. 

Dawson hasn't taken his eyes off of me. They're full of pity. He now has the pity eyes I've grown so tired of. I look up at them now and then but I mostly keep my gaze down at our connected hands. This is exactly what I didn't want from him. But I know if I have any hope of something real with him, he needs to know what makes me, me.

The only time he let go of me this whole time was to put more wood on the fire, mistaking my body shaking for me being cold. He let me tell my story without interruption. His jaw is holding tension, maybe holding back from speaking. His thumbs rub comforting circles on the back of my hands.

I can only hope that this is the beginning of something for us. I have had a hard time letting myself into my own mind to understand my feelings for Dawson. So far, I have felt connected to him physically. I'm insanely attracted to him, that much is obvious. And we have bonded as friends. We talk about music, and we have fun when we hang out. But I think keeping all this inside of me has kept me from letting myself grow emotionally connected to him. I can feel that changing now that I've gotten so much off my shoulders.

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<3

Songs:

Regina Spektor                 Hotel Song
Mumford and Sons         The Cave
Blink 182                             Down   
Chvrches                            Recover