NOW YOU KNOW

GONE

Holland has lost it... he's slowly becoming a nuisance. He wasn't this violent.

I needed to talk him out if it...we were about to enter final class(SS3) any little mistake would get him suspended or expelled...I didn't want any of that for my classmates, we'd gone a long way to be left hanging at any point.

I cared about him. Yes I did, I couldn't admit before but now i was ready to talk to him about it. Many nights i just couldn't sleep,it was Holland on my mind. The want for him had grown massively.

He no longer wanted to associate with me or any one. He'd bully the Juniors at any chance he had. One of the Juniors he bullied just had to be a godson to the principal and that's when things got really bad.

In my school, teachers hated SS2 and SS3 students. They felt we were stubborn and all. If a junior made a mistake they'd easily let it slide but not with us. Our actions were never seen as mistakes. So we had to be punished for everything.

This juniors were usually annoying at times cause they knew we were not allowed to punish them. They literally insulted seniors at the slightest opportunity. Holland who wasn't the nicest of persons these few weeks had to unleash his wrath on one of them who'd probably done something wrong.

This junior in particular was close to the principal... Holland probably had no idea,so when he was reported,the school didn't even want to hear his part of the story. He was to be expelled.

We all felt bad for him, my classmates felt bad for him. Someone in particular felt terrible. Yes that was ME.
He would be gone the same year he came in? I never even got to talk to him at length,I never understood him. Would I miss him? I didn't have any memories of him as that's what people really missed about someone.

After the principal announced his expulsion during assembly, he was asked to pack his things from his dormitory and leave immediately. It was sad.

After assembly i just went to my classroom and sat on my desk. I didn't want anyone noticing the way i felt. I moved to open my locker, then I saw something...it was someone's journal.

I opened it to read...

Geum Jan di,
I'm sorry things had to happen this way. I needed to do something to leave this place. It's terrible seeing someone you love everyday but you can't even talk to the person.
I knew you wouldn't like me too cause i wasn't nice at the start but i was ready to change for you.
Guess love never works out like it does in novels we read. I'm ready to move on now, it's easier now cause I'm no longer in this school. You can move on too. I won't be trying to convince you anymore. You should forget about me cause that's what I'll do now.

P.S you're the cutest girl I've met
Bye, H.

What was falling from my eyes? Tears? This was my most emotional moment...I definitely had to be crying. This was tragic. Romeo and Juliet's tragedy was better than this. They both knew how much in love they were before they died. I and Holland would never share the love we actually had for each other. It was just a lingering feeling that we'd killed prematurely. He'd never know how much i liked him in return. It's my fault I had realized it at the wrong time.

He was gone now, probably gone forever.

I had nothing to do but cry to myself at night...I couldn't tell anyone. It was just too sad. I pushed him away like nothing.i never gave a chance to know this person. I'd always judged him from the start. And now i liked him but he was gone. I wanted a chance to tell him I liked him too and I wanted to be a friend or maybe more.

I had to move on. I needed to forget about him somehow, anyhow. I just had to let go the thoughts of him so i could focus on school work. It was going to be difficult but i had to.