Complicated (R.S.L/ R5)

Chapter 22

We stood there, in each other’s arms, our lips still interlocked. He held me close, never once did his hands leave my waist, stopping me from moving.

“Please don’t leave me,” he mumbled.

I paused, gently pushing him away from me.

“I have to go.”

“No, you don’t. You can stay here, stay with me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Please,” he whispered. “I told you how I felt; I told you I’m sorry. Why are you still going?”

I frowned at his choice of words. So he only apologised so I would stay? Not because he actually regretted what he’d done?

“What happened? Why do you look upset?” he asked quickly, picking up on my mood.

“I… It’s the way you phrased it. ‘I told you I’m sorry, why are you still going?’ It basically feels like you’re only apologising so I won’t leave, and that doesn’t make me feel very confident in your intentions.”

“Are you saying that I only apologised so you wouldn’t leave, and then I would be able to do what I wanted to you?” he asked in shock.

I looked down, scared of his reaction. As I did so, I realised something. This would never work. He had scarred me, and no matter how hard he tried to make up for the past few years, it would never work fully. There was always going to be that little part of me which wouldn’t be able to forget what I’d been through, the part that would be shy away from any kind of confrontation with him. And that scared me more than him.

He placed two fingers under my chin and forced me to look up at him. He wiped away the tears I didn’t realise were falling down my face, and kissed my forehead.

“Hey, shh. Don’t cry baby. I’m not angry at you. Ok?”

I nodded, and he pulled me in for another hug, something that still comforted me like it used to, when feelings weren’t an issue between us.

“I’m sorry,” I sobbed.

“It’s not your fault baby. It’s mine, it’s all mine. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

I slowly calmed down, holding onto his shirt, my head resting against his chest. I didn’t really know why I was crying anymore; it was mixture of emotions for him; hatred, desperation, love. All of it resulted in me crying my eyes out and ruining his shirt.

“I have to go,” I said, wiping my eyes.

“Why? Why are you just leaving?”

“Because I just need a break. Look, I’ll come back at one point. But for now, I have to go.”

I shifted out of his grasp and started walking away, before he grabbed my hand and pulled me back in the most cliché way possible. He dropped a quick kiss on my lips, before letting me go.

“Come back soon,” he whispered.

I nodded, squeezing his hand once, before walking out. He didn’t follow me; he let me go, back to where everyone else was waiting for me. Jess raised an eyebrow as she watched me walk out, alone, face tear stained.

“Is there a reason your face is blotchy?” she asked slowly.

I shook my head, rubbing at my cheeks, hoping that my skin would soon clear up, hiding any evidence of what had happened inside.

“So are we going?” she asked.

I nodded and moved over to get inside the car.

“I’m really going to miss you guys, but I have to do this,” I said.

They all nodded, and waved as Jess got in as well, and we drove away from all of them. Including the one person who had utter control on me and he knew it.

1 week later

It had been a week since I moved away, and so far, I’d been in contact with all the Lynch’s except one. Ross had never called, never messaged, never joined the FaceTime calls I had with his siblings. It was like he’d disappeared off the face of the earth. Then again, I hadn’t made any advances from my side either. I had been waiting for him to call, but that clearly wasn’t happening.

I’d settled in well, the adjustment being easier than I’d thought. Right now we were getting ready to go out, for me to see all of Toronto, since I’d never been before. We were both done, and I was putting my phone in my purse, when I felt a hand on top of mine.

“Leave your phone,” Jess said.

“Why?” I asked, confused.

“Because, knowing you, you will spend most of your time on it, trying to call all of them. The whole point of this is to get a break from them. Don’t worry, you won’t need it, we can take pictures on mine and I’ll send them to you. Ok?”

I nodded, understanding where she was coming from. I threw it on the bed, and looked towards her.

“I’m done, let’s go!”

…

We came back, after going to see the CN Tower, and having lunch in the revolving restaurant at the top. We were all going out for dinner, all of her family and I. We went back to her room, to leave the shopping bags that had somehow managed to make their way into our hands even though we’d gone sightseeing. I saw my phone flashing, and I unlocked it, to see a voicemail. Ross. I pressed on it, and listened to it, hearing his voice crack multiple times throughout.

He…y Alyssa. All those times I wished… you were dead, I take them all back. This has been one of the… the hardest weeks of my life. I’m sorry for everything I put you through, I will never do anything like that to you again, just please… please come back. This is so hard; I thought it would be easier than this. But it’s not, it’s really not. This is probably how shit you felt every time… every time I’d hurt you, but it hurts. And I’m sorry. I’m so selfish, but that’s why I’m calling you. To tell you that I miss you so much.

Dedicated to @I_WantYouBad_ for helping me with this chapter! I love you xx

It's a strange feeling when you don't talk to the one person you've been talking to every day for the past 2 months. It feels weird.

But, now I'm on Easter break, so 3 weeks of relaxing and writing!

QOTD: Fav character in this story and why?

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