Random Book 2!

A Vent.. Again

So.. I didn't vent at all for the last.. few days, but my mental health has been declining.. a lot.. and.. I wanted to record it all here, and open up, because my plan of shutting up and dealing with it myself hasn't been working out so well.. I thought I would just get through it like always but I don't.. feel like.. this is like that.

So It all started when I started.. imagining people, in my head, they were real.

Who the person is?

A little brother.

I won't tell you much about him, this isn't about him.. but I think I started imagining him to.. feel comfort and get away as much as I can from real life..

and it's been going okay so far.

I don't know how to explain him at all, or his existence in my head, but.. he may be a fusion of my negative emotions.. idk.

I can't think straight...

And for a bit I've been.. uncomfortable around people.

Around touch.

Around anything of the sort.

If anyone is near me I feel.. very uncomfortable, and touch is a whole other thing..

that's what I want to open about..

I thought it would just go away..

it's getting worse..

and I don't know why..

or what to do about it..

I can't even explain it..!

I just.. even comfort is uncomfortable now..

It may be because I don't trust them but.. 

I trust my mother with all my heart.. I know that's a mistake but.. 

even around HER touch is getting..

uncomfortable..

not as bad as with others, but.. you get the gist.

so..

yeah.

im terrified of staying all alone, but people near me is.. not as great either.. I just feel the best when someone is in the next room to me.. that solves my problem of 'fear or being along' and 'being uncomfortable with touch and people' at the same time.

And another thing, I feel uneasy all day long,.. like I'm tired and uncomfortable.. 

like I just want to recharge.. just stay in my room.. away from people.. away from touch.. away from everything..

just go on a non-verbal streak..

I've never felt this way before, but its come down to this now..

and..

I..

don't know.

I don't want to talk anymore.

I don't want to do much at all anymore.

I just.. want to be away and at peace.

I guess that's all I wanted to say.. I won't talk to anyone much anyway.. I don't feel like it.. but I will still talk to you guys a little.. because that feels nice.

but I won't talk at night.. because my mum just.. stares at me when I type anything.. its.. yeah.

bye.. ^^