|| the soliloquy || ✦ regulus black ✦

|| 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚛𝚝𝚎𝚎𝚗. ||

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[ 𝚆𝚑𝚘 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞? 

𝚆𝚑𝚘 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚏𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝? 

𝚆𝚑𝚘 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚏𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚏𝚊𝚛 𝚋𝚎𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚍? ]

skinny love // bon iver

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They hadn't talked about it, the kiss at the wedding nor the one from the other night. Yet she was consistent, as she had promised, as he had. He wondered if others noticed, the way they lingered around each other, his protectiveness over her, her softness that made him believe. 

Regulus found her exactly where he had expected, carefully etching her notes into parchment. Her thumb was tucked between her teeth, her usual posture of concentration. He could watch her for hours, wanting to unpack all the layers of Jocelin Avery, for he knew there was far more depth to her than most assumed, even her own best friend. 

"I knew this is where I'd find you." He laughed as he stepped up to her table. Her eyes widened with bewilderment briefly before settling into a polite glowing smile. 

"Some of us need to actually work hard for our grades Mr. Black." She teased, an ease about her that was a rarity. Regulus wanted to relish in it, noting how sacred it was for her to share these parts. 

"You'll do exceptionally. Care to join me for a walk?" He watched her hesitate, her eyes falling across her books and her notes, and he hoped she would chose him, even for just a moment. 

"I promise to get you back to your studies in reasonable time." As if that was enough to assure her, she nodded, grabbing her cloak and falling in step with him out of the library. 

Autumn would quickly be giving way to winter, and the briskness of the air was whispers of the bitter weather they were due for. But it was an unusually sunny day, deceiving most students with the coldness of the air. Still there were scattered groups about, enjoying what they could until the dreariness kept them closed off indoors. They walked in relative silence, making way toward the Black lake, one of his favorite places to disappear off to. It was big enough for a nice walk, plus easy to avoid other students. 

He wasn't immune to the way things were changing, in fact his summer was a catalyst in that change. Slytherin's both older and younger, held a new respect for him, holding him on an even higher pedestal than before. He was serious about the cause, trusted and knowledgable, more mature than even his brother. He was Regulus Black, someone worth knowing. And yet, he never felt lonelier, outliered from his peers who could still keep themselves a step away from the war. 

"When I was younger I used to believe this lake was named after our family. Andromeda had told Sirius and I this wild story of our great-great-great-grandfather taming the giant squid, and that's how we were named for it." He smiled, his eyes trailed along the smooth waters. He rarely talked about Sirius, and Andromeda even less. But Jocelin wouldn't judge, she would understand. 

"Sirius kept it up after his first year, telling me how he'd seen the squid and it winked at him, he said it knew he was a Black. I think that was the only time he was proud of his name." His voice faltered and he ignored the pang in his chest. He should hate Sirius, he should despise him and wish him dead. For everything, for how it had all turned out. And yet he couldn't, the emotions were muddled in a knot, unwilling to come undone.