𝐔𝐍𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐃

52 | what a total shitshow

Nox

"If anything happens, I'll be right outside." Jimin says to me in a low tone before leaving. His elbow slightly brushes mine as he walks away, but for some reason it felt like he was trying to assure me that he is here for me. I can tell that he's truly worried about me, because he knows about Elijah and Taehyung is acting a little bit scary right now. He caught me off guard when he slammed his fist on the wall a moment ago.

This is nothing I can't handle. I've dealt with far worse for far longer.

Dark circles are hanging underneath Taehyung's eyes in various shades of purple, making a sweet anemic contrast with his pale skin. Pearls of sweat have formed near his temples, droplets dangling from his hair while his bottom lip is quivering uncontrollably. If someone walked past us in this narrow dusty hallway, they would think that he's having some sort of nervous tick, but he's just a little too drunk. His breath reeks of tequila and lime and I detect a hint of salt mixed with water and deodorant.

Music is blaring from all rooms yet somehow only a faded bass is travelling in small vibrations throughout the frat houses' walls. His breath is the only other essence of sound I can physically hear, and I can't help but cower against the wall from how close he is. I slowly tilt my head upwards only for my gaze to crash against his hurt eyes; it makes me feel terrible seeing him like this. I can't control the waves of guilt that are slowly building up in the horizon of my mind, only getting closer and closer as the seconds go by and I'm ready to get swept away any moment from their powerful current with no hope of returning to the shore.

Jimin is already long gone and now I'm alone with Taehyung. We're just sitting in silence, and I don't know what to say to him. I'm still a tad tipsy but I'm in a state of awareness as I can process everything that is currently going on. I understand that dancing with Jimin on the tables might have been inappropriate, given that I let him run his hands all over my body, but at the same time I don't see what I did wrong, considering that Taehyung and I never actually talked about our relationship status.

We've been dating for over three weeks now. We're not seeing other people and as far as I'm aware we're not sleeping with other people either. I haven't even had sex with Jungkook ever since the night I had that fight with Jimin at Sam's. Taehyung has been coming over my apartment and there are times when I stay overnight at his place. He brings me morning coffee and I give him sweet treats in return. He treats my brother well and is extremely adaptable wherever he goes. He shares his precious cigarettes with me and visits me at work during a free period.

So that begs the question.

Is Taehyung my boyfriend?

I have to admit, I haven't given it much thought because I wanted to take things slow and steady, not wanting to rush into any unnecessary commitments.

Commitment always comes hand in hand with dramatics and responsibilities I'm not ready to deal with because I'm still working on myself. I haven't completely recovered from what happened with Elijah and I'm certainly not ready to make any drastic changes when it concerns Taehyung. I'm pretty content with the pacing our thing has and to me it seemed as though Taehyung and I were on the same page, but then again, we never really discussed about where we stand.

"Nox," My name leaves his mouth in a dry careless whisper. Taehyung runs a hand through his dark brown hair. He sighs exasperated when he says, "I'm sorry."

'I'm sorry.'

That's what he said to me when I was lying on the ground clutching my stomach in pain.

I carefully watch Taehyung as he slowly walks towards the stairwell when he rests his body on the steps. He crosses his hands, dark brown eyes once spitting flames now they're calm as a dead still lake, it's almost scary. It's scary how quickly his mood has escalated and now it's just this, dead calm. His lips have formed a straight line, translating the apathy lingering in his mind as it covers his facial features. He looks at me, inspects me, his eyes are telling a different story than his lips.