Philosophical Idiotsy (MxM)

13.

The next week had begun, and I had shown up for another tedious Monday at school. The sleepover had gone pretty well, I had to leave soon after we both woke up simply because my mom was gonna need my help prepping for dinner and cleaning. We started our goodbyes with a simple high-five and a wave, choosing to ignore the elephant in the room. Something about that night had rung over and over in my head and made me feel nauseous, almost like something was off. Of course, it was just an intimate moment between friends, but it almost felt like more.

Of course, I didn't want to open any extra cans of worms considering a lot of people here have issues with my sexual identity, something I don't like to go around telling people. I didn't want poor James to have to suffer from the endless bullying I went through my entire four years here at VanGough High, simply because he was hanging out with me.

I made my way into the library and sat down, looking around for any glances of his presence. To my dismay, I didn't catch sight of him, making the mood go down a little. Maybe he was gone again. Or maybe I scared him off. Shit.

I sighed and rolled my eyes before pulling out my romance novel, promising to finish it before the dragon book came in. Speaking of which, it should probably be here next week, which made me shiver a little with excitement, for I would fill my head with more and more lore to the already exciting dragon story. As I continued to read the romance novel, someone wakes over to my table.

I looked up and met those amazing brown eyes I wished I could stare into forever. James. "H-hey Oliver, how are you?" He said, sitting down at the table in the chair in front of me.

"I'm okay man. How are you doing?" I replied, sparking up his interest.

"I'm alright. Am I interrupting you?" He said quietly, nodding at the book.

I set the book down and closed it. That can wait. "Not at all, man. I always appreciate your company." I said warmly, trying to get him to relax a little.

"Hey uh, can I talk to you for a quick second?" He asked quietly, making me shiver a little. The butterflies began to flicker.

"Uh...yeah what's up?" I replied a little nervously.

He scooted forward in his chair and leaned in a little, getting into a whispering position. I followed suit and leaned in, our faces inches away from each other. "So uh... about the sleepover..." he began, looking around to see if anyone was paying attention.

"Yeah, what about it?" I replied quickly, trying to lighten the mood.

"Well uh, when we um- slept together- I mean- we'll you know what I mean." He began to laugh nervously. "I uh- anyways... I wanted to tell you that I appreciated that. I uh- I haven't had anyone uh... touch me in a while, I guess." He said quietly, trying to keep our conversation a secret.

I gulped nervously. This was awkward. "I uh- no problem man. I enjoy your company a lot- I mean, well..." I hesitated a little before continuing. "I'm uh- glad we are friends. You make me feel a lot better about myself, you know? Not to uh- get sappy or anything...but I appreciate what we did on Saturday. I do like you a lot. I mean- like you- I mean-"

James' face went red as he ripped eye contact away, making me miss those beautiful brown eyes of his. "I uh- I have to go." He said quickly, getting up from the chair.

I opened my mouth to say something but he was already gone, rushing out of the library. I felt my throat get dry and form a lump, for I couldn't bring myself to talk. What just happened?

And then it hit me. Hit me like a semi-truck. All of the things I have been regressing over these past weeks. The butterflies weren't a stomach problem, they were caused by him. There was a reason I kept staring at him or adored his eyes of his perfect face or his nerdy introverted personality. There was a reason I didn't hesitate to hang out with him when he asked me to hang out. Oh my god...

I have a crush on him.

I looked around the library and faced everyone, watching them pay no attention to me. Oh my god did I just mess it up? Did I make him uncomfortable? Fuck! I looked down at my romance book and shoved it away, trying to avoid all fallacies of human emotion. I really am a man whore, aren't I? He was just being nice.

And now I made him uncomfortable.

I grabbed my bags off the table and strutted out of the library, ignoring Mrs. Potenza on my way out. The only thing that mattered now was getting class and getting this already terrible day over with.