"What if...."Frigga Stayed

Odin's Reflections

How could I have been so wrong?

Odin sat in his study going over the reports of the training. Loki and the Avengers seemed to work well together when they had a common goal and the troops were evidence of that. Morale was up and the warriors were more uniform and well-rounded than they had been in a while.

Odin leaned back in his seat and ran a hand over his face. When Loki had fallen, Odin had grieved along with the rest of Asgard, but there was a part of him that thought that his youngest was selfish. That he had no care over what he had done, and he didn't want to deal with the consequences of his actions.

And then Loki showed up on earth, killing the humans and wanting to rule. Rage consumed the Allfather and Loki's sentence matched his despicable actions.

But he never asked.

Odin never asked why Loki did what he did. He never asked about the void. He never asked about anything.

He pushed himself out of his chair and strode towards the door.

Never again.

Odin would find out the truth, even if that meant swallowing his pride and just listening.

After navigating through the hallways Odin stopped in front of the ebony door that contained his Loki's quarters.

He paused, wondering if it was the right thing to do, or if it was too late. His determination overcame his trepidation and he knocked on the door.

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Loki heard a knocking at his door. It was probably mother or the captain again.

"The door's open," he called.

The entrance creaked open and in the center stood the proud Allfather.

Loki's expression darkened a shade. "What are you doing here?"

Odin walked over to Loki's bed and sat on the edge. He sighed and stared at Loki.

Why does he look so weary? What does he want? Why can't he just leave me alone to-

"Why?"

Loki focused once more on the face in front of him. He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "I beg pardon?"

"Why did you let go?"

Loki took a few deep breaths and looked at Odin. "Why are you asking me this?"

"Because I should have asked you a long time ago."

Loki took a few moments to try and find the lie, only to see that there was none. He sighed and turned his gaze towards the window for a moment before turning it back to Odin.

"I was alone." He swallowed back the tears he was holding. " I was completely and utterly alone. I had just found out my entire life was a lie so... I broke. No one was there to pick up the pieces..."

He sniffed and closed his eyes for a moment.

"Except for you. You picked them up and you held them in your hands." Loki stood up from the bed and started to raise his voice. "All those pieces needed in that moment was a little glue, a little love to hold them together long enough to see reason. Instead you smashed them against the ground, shattering them. Irreparably. So I let go. You broke me down when I needed help the most and now you expect me to come crawling back to you when my life and others' are on the line?! How can you expect me to trust you after years of you being on everyone else's side but my own?! I tried to please you every moment I got and you never accepted it! You never accepted me! It was always 'No Loki' no matter what I did, while Thor was 'Yes' because he is the perfect son! You never saw me as anything more than a Jotun runt, a pawn to use in your games! You lied to me from the beginning! So excuse me for feeling like I needed to throw myself off of a bridge because I couldn't take it anymore!!"

Loki was screaming at this point. Tears streamed down his face, carving lines in his cheeks. He fell to his knees and held his head in his hands. "Are you happy now?" he whispered.

Odin took a deep breath and kneeled in front of his son.

"I failed you. I have failed you for a long time and I see that now. I am sorry that I let my king self get in the way of being your father. I am also sorry that I did not recognize you were hurting. If you can give me the chance, I would like to start though. Being there for you when you need it. Being fair. I am truly sorry, my son."

Loki looked up at Odin and nodded. He let his father wrap his arms around him, comforting him as he sobbed and let out everything he had been holding in.

In that moment, for the first time in centuries, Loki felt acceptance and love fill him.