My Infinity 》Renga

17

Chapter 17- Langa's POV:

"Everything alright?"

I look up at my violet eyed classmate, feeling my expression darken as he looks at me, confused.

"Yeah, I'm okay." I lie quietly, going back to the paragraph I'm writing.

"No, you're not," He says, taking the seat next to me, and resting his hand on my arm, "I can tell something's up. Tell me. Nobody else is here, anyway."

I look around the empty classroom, trying to find something to focus on apart from my own emotions.

"Let's just finish this project." I sigh, turning away and starting to edit the paragraph I've just finished writing out.

"No," Kaiyo insists, "I know something is bothering you."

I say nothing, instead I try very hard to make the work look presentable. At the moment it looks like a half-assed attempt at trying to understand advanced chemistry. I hate it. The three of us worked on this together, Reki, Kaiyo and me, and now Kaiyo and I are stuck in a classroom after school because I felt too bad to ask Reki if he could help.

"Did something happen with Reki? I've noticed you guys aren't talking?"

I don't respond. I hate myself for pulling away. I wish I could slap my past self.

"More something that didn't happen, really."

"What didn't happen?"

"You don't want to know," I sigh, "it'll upset you."

"Please, Langa."

"He tried to do something and I didn't let him."

"Isn't that okay, though? It's your choice what people can and can't do it if involves you."

"Yeah. But I regret my choice."

"Why?"

I move my eyes away from the poster and instead to the boy sitting next to me.

"I've kind of had a thing for Reki since last year," I begin to explain, "actually, that's an understatement. It's more than that. But not important. I thought maybe he felt the same, and he tried to make a move, but I screwed up, and now I'm sure he doesn't like me as much as I like him..."

I can't believe I'm telling him all this.

"I got scared. I know that you like him. I felt like I was going to ruin everything between me and him and..." I trail off, exasperated. I barely even know what I'm saying. 

It doesn't even make sense in my head. I was afraid of what, exactly? Ruining a friendship? Ruining a potential relationship? I should have let him kiss me. And I should've kissed him back. I should have kissed him, and kissed him, and kissed him. Kissed him until I couldn't breathe. 

Kaiyo is silent, which worries me, since he confided in me about how he felt about the same person I'm talking about. I think he is going to be angry, but his response says otherwise.

He flicks his eyes to meet mine, and to my surprise, he smiles.

"That works well for me, then."

"What do you mean?" I ask, very confused and quite insulted. I get up to get a marker from the front of the room.

Kaiyo follows, sighing, casting his eyes outside to the rain-soaked day.

"Well, I don't want you to date him."

"I swear I didn't mean to come between you two! I don't think I did, if you spoke to him tomorrow..."

"That's not what I meant."